Was That The Annual Seal Cull Hunt, or the Seal Hull... Hang On

So the annual seal cull hunt got of to a smashing start. You may think that pun wasn't needed, but I'll tell you what really wasn't called for, a spoonerism on Sky News. Ah, the poor chap. It's easily done, but the way he stresses the word makes it all the funnier... ...It also makes you feel sorry for the singer Seal, because now he can never visit the Yorkshire town of Hull.

Marketing

A lot of people I know are getting into business these days. I think it's because we all hit the stage where we can't bosses anymore. They get to us all at some stage and you just need to break out. But here's the tricky irony of business. To be in business you have to be good at something. Not just good, you have to be good enough to be in business. And that means specialising. You devote everything you have to becoming the best in your field of business. But these days to make it in business you also have to be experts in marketing. That maths ain't gonna work. You have to have two areas of expertise. That probably means you are not the best in either field and therefore the business suffers. You see the circular logic causing the problem here. That's why you need a Marketing Company like brandidentityguru.com I've been on their website and they start you off easy. There's a test to see how well your brand is doing. But it's more than just that. They can provide you with a marketing plan including communications strategies. You can check the testimonials on the website to see how they have worked.

Kate Moss To Marry

Here's a story I didn't expect to see in The Telegraph... "Kate Moss 'to marry' rocker Jamie Hince" Yep, Kate Moss told fans she is to marry her boyfriend, the guitarist Jamie Hince. That's nice. Because it wasn't that long ago she was dating a musician who looked like he needed a wash, and now... well, we know she's got a type. I don't know what to get them as a wedding gift so I'm thinking of just being in charge of the cake. I'll get them a nice one, with a figurine that looks like the groom on top, and next to that a thing made out of pipe cleaners. It's as realistic as you'll get. Kate Moss Here's the story...

The Rule of Spills

Here's my week. Monday: The car ran out of screen-wash over the weekend and as I had a gig to travel to I have to top it up at work. The bonnet on my car is a lot dirtier than I thought and I managed to get a massive stain on one of my shirts. Tuesday: To quote the song 'One Week' by the Bare Naked Ladies, I eat some 'chiki-de-china the Chinese chicken' on Tuesday. Man, that's some tasty chicken. The only issue was the bit I dropped on one of my shirts. I think that mark will come out, but at the moment it's just a hope. Friday: Ate some chocolate in the car on the way back from MCing a stand-up gig. Dropped some down me. It will probably scratch off, but it always leaves a little behind. It'll need a hotter wash. Saturday: Today I didn't stain on anything, but the night is young. I fancy some red wine but the way thing have been going I would be a fool to. I guess vodka will have to be my poison. So, what's the lesson we can take away from the week I have had? You can't have two many shirts. As we all know from out student days that you can never have too many pairs of socks and pants (come on, we all had to turn them inside out to get an extra day out of them). So, I'm going to extrapolate this and say, "You can never have too many clothes." Obviously you don't want to spend your life savings, so what we need is a way to get lots and lots of clothes that you can drop things down to your hearts content, at a good price. Have a look at www.merchandizeliquidators.com, they do wholesale Clothing. A lot of the merchandize is from liquidation of high end department stores. So it looks good, and thanks to the fortunate situation with some shop going out of business, you can get it for a low price. The website has sections for women's clothing (but they don't seem to spill as much down them as men), kids clothing (and they are as messy as men), and men's clothing (say no more). They even do lingerie. I don't even want to know what stains you get on that. Imaging the week I could have with that.

Abi Titmuss Naughty Diaries

Abi Titmuss has announced she will be publishing her diaries later in the year. Do you think they will be real, or fake? The diaries I mean. We already know about the other ones. Here's the test, when you go to Waterstones to buy them flick to the page for March 23 2008 and see if it says, "Dear Diary. Today I decided to publish my diaries." If it doesn't say that, it's Billy BS. It doesn't bode well when even the title of the book is a lie. It's going to be called "The Secret Diaries of Abigail Titmuss". Last time I checked, something wasn't 'secret' if it had been published and distributed nationally. The publishers, Headline, has said the diaries will be "racy, hilariously funny, scorchingly honest and always just a little bit tongue-in-cheek". If they're going to be that 'scorchingly honest' she'll have to admit she's had more than just a 'tongue' in those 'cheeks'.

LifeLock Code

They say that if you ears are burning it means someone is talking about you. They also say that if you're fingers are itchy it means you're about to come into some money. So wouldn't it be great and you come mix the two and if you got itchy ears and hot fingers it means someone was trying to spend your money somewhere. That would be a great early warning system to help prevent identity theft. You get the warm hand and find yourself scratching your ear and immediately you are on the phone cancelling your credit cards and all is well in the world. Sadly, in real life, if you have warm hands at itchy ears it probably means you have some sort of allergy and in a few minutes you'll be finding it hard to breathe. Also sadly, in the real world someone can be nicking your identity right now and you won't know a thing about it. Not an itch or a mild tingle. Nothing. That's why something like LifeLock is useful. It's a system that prevents identity theft. You and get it for less by using one of the LifeLock promotion codes. For example you can get a discount with the a LifeLock promo code RD11. You can learn more about that LifeLock Code at lifelockpromotionalcode.net

Musical Interlude: Estelle - (A Retrospective)

OK, not actually some fancy pants retrospective, just her new song with Kanye West and the one that launched her to fame, 1980. Have a listen because it's amazing how much 'less British' she has become. Still, she's not the first Brit to become more American when the money gets good. I'm thinking Bob Hope for a start. So have a listen to... American Boy: 1980:

Desperately Good-looking Housewives

The new series of 'Desperate Housewives' has started on our TV screens. Before I dive totally into the new season I'm desperately (no pun intended) trying to catch up with the last one on DVD. That means an intensive regime of Desperate Housewives watching. I need to fit in at least three episodes a day (apart from Tuesday because I have a meeting) to make sure I'm sticking to my timetable. Sitting there, in my scruffy 'loungeware', it's hard not to notice just how good-looking and glamorous the ladies of 'Listeria', or whatever, Lane are. In fact I was sat having a coffee in town today and just sat there seeing how much the people of the real world are dull and boring when compared to Teri and her cohorts. These are people who clearly need a mommy makeover to get up to the Desperate Housewife standard. And wouldn't the world be a great place if they did? Imagine if more people aimed to look that good. I'd be happier while drinking my coffee, for a start. One option is to get a little work done. For example you can get the famous california tummy tuck from the Beverly hills cosmetic surgeons at rodeodriveplasticsurgeon.us They have offices and their surgery center built to provide excellent care for thie plastic surgery patients, which is good as you need to be in good hands when undergoing such a procedure. They are the only plastic surgery center that is actually on Rodeo Drive. And the stars of shows like Desperate housewives wouldn't stand for anything less, so if you're trying to reach that level, why should you? Even going for a look round their website will make you feel like you could be in a more glamorous world. I think it was Oscar Wilde who said, "We're all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars." I say we change that to, "We're all in the gutter, but some of us have a trim figure and some nice curves."

Pamela Anderson: The Sexiest Lollipop-Lady You'll Ever See

Baywatch actress Pamela Anderson is now a lollipop lady at her two sons' school. It must be one of those moments where you rub your eyes. Or think, "Wow! I must still be drunk from last night. That lollipop lady looks like Pammie. That's what I call beer-goggles." She has no previous experience at lollipopery but I bet she knows how to stop traffic. It's not just stopping traffic, in the event of an accident she'll be the first responder. Well, she should be by judging by the slow motion running she did on Baywatch everyone will have gone home by the time she gets there.

Nerds Will Inherit The Earth

You know the saying about how the meek will inherit the Earth? Well, it must have been mistranslated, because it should read 'the nerds will inherit the Earth'. Yes, those of us who love their PCs will be the ones with all the power in the future. The cool guys who liked football at school and were popular will be working as the nerds cleaners because it will be the only job you can get where you don't have to know your way round an operating system. So, given that the world will be the nerds' why is it that the nerds don't get treated very well at the moment? If you want to buy a car and be cool there are loads of comparison websites for insurance on the TV. But if you want to be a little nerdish, in preparation for the revolution, and buy a PC, where's you price comparison website? I've done some research and you can get shopping comparisons on computers at www.digxa.com

Kate Lawler Knickerless Marathon

Kate Lawler is to run the London marathon next month, but she is having trouble getting in the sponsorship. But she's saying if she gets the money she will strip off. She said: "I only need £18,500 before I can run in my knickers and bra. If I do hit the target I'm going to run it in my Ann Summers underwear." It sounds like it will be a sight to behold, I almost sent some money in, but then I thought, "She'll look sexy for the first mile, maybe two. But by that 26th mile she's going to look tired, stressed and physically drained while wearing her underwear. She won't look sexy, she'll look like a victim."

SEO - It's The Future

Everything these days is all about Search Engine Optimization. If your website isn't optimised to score well in the world of search you're no where. It will only increase too. In the future we will all have to be experts in search engine optimization, seriously. If we try to do computer dating we may need to have a profile that's searchable to get noticed. See! But at the moment search engine optimization is more about life or death of your web-based business. Have a look at brandidentityguru.com because they are experts at it. If you use their services you get search engine optimization for your firm's site, plus help on marketing strategies. They also submit your site to search engines using paid submissions, which gets you a better result. And a lot of awareness of websites is gained through pay-per-click advertising campaigns these days. They can sort that for you too. That means when people search for the keywords that link to your business they see your text ads in the search results. All of these techniques will mean your site works for you more effectively than just putting your site out there and hoping for the best. And you might as well get the expert advice now but the future happens and you'll need to know about search engine optimization for dating reasons.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Find Out What It Means To Ashley Cole

I don't do football much, but here's one... Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson insists he will not allow his players to harangue referees. The lack of respect shown to officials in the game has been a major talking point after Chelsea's Ashley Cole turned his back on referee Mike Riley as he tried to book him. I love this. Ashley Cole doesn't look a ref in the eye and everyone says he has a problem with respect. He cheated on his stunning and faithful wife with some Essex hairdresser and no one mentions anything. It's amazing the way people in sport prioritise things. The Cole incident came just a day after the Football Association launched a grass-roots trial scheme, aimed at improving the situation, whereby only captains can speak to referees. Good idea. Maybe we should also bring in a scheme where only captains can knob blondes they have only just met.

What's In An Avatar

Do you know what an avatar is? Technically it's either... 1: The incarnation of a Hindu deity, especially Vishnu, in human or animal form. 2: An embodiment, as of a quality or concept; an archetype: the very avatar of cunning. 3: A temporary manifestation or aspect of a continuing entity: occultism in its present avatar. Those are the dictionary definitions of the word, but these days we only need to know that an avatar is one of those little pictures you have on your profile of forums and social networking sites. In many ways, more people see your avatar than see your actual face. Which if you have a face like I have, that's not a bad thing. So you have to pick a good avatar to represent you. If you need one, have a look at the DollSpace dollspace.com which is a forum where people share avatars that they've made. They have ones like this... I do like the Alt+F4 one. It's a good way to stop idiots reading your posts. And the count one is funny too. And let's be honest, going to that site is a lot easier than trying to make your own if you don't know what you're doing, and the finished product won't look as good as the Avatars they have.

Soldiers Fights For Miss England

I arrived at work this morning to read in the news that a squaddie is to compete to become Miss England. Straight away I got the image of some ugly bloke who's so tough no one's told him he shouldn't be stood there in a bikini and sash. But thankfully it turns out it's a 21-year-old woman caked Katrina Hodge. It's interesting having a serving soldier in a beauty pageant. Firstly, she gets to say things like this... "You hear girls in beauty pageants talking about wanting world peace, but I'm out there trying to achieve peace for real and I want more girls to join up." Brilliant. Stick that in your world peace pipe and smoke it, ladies, this one is trying to get world peace and is doing more than just lipstick-wearing to get it. But I think it's a stroke of genius on the war side of it too. You're at war against countries where the people prefer their women to be totally covered up, and you send out someone who looks stunning in a bikini. There's some shock and awe for you.

The Van Allen Belt of Gifts

Here's the problem with the shape of my year. I know Christmas is technically the end of the previous year, but its proximity means it counts. We start with buying all the gifts for people at Christmas. Then we have Valentines, then Mothers' Day, and then we get into what I like to call the Van Allen Belt, the period when a lot of my relations have their birthday. Basically I have a non-stop gift buying period through to August. With all of that it can be tricky to buy people unique gifts. I do worry that I will accidentally send one person the same gift three times in a row because I don't keep track. But there is an interesting website www.paintyourlife.com that makes items perfect for giving. You can get someone's portrait put on canvas. These aren't some odd printed thing, you can get hand painted quality artwork adoring your wall. Have a look at this, it's a picture from the site... See how you can get some rather regal looking portrait. You could get your whole family portrait turned into something that looks more fitting on your wall. Have a look at the site and see what you could pose as for your portrait.

Pamela Anderson Claims 'Fraud'

Ex-Baywatch star Pamela Anderson and her husband, Rick Salomon, have begun the process of ending their marriage. After watching Paul McCartney and Heather Mills for the past few weeks I bet they're not looking forward to it. But this one isn't so straight forward. Pammie gave fraud as her reason for declaring their wedding void. "Fraud"? Someone was falsely represented, something looked like it would be something and it turned out not to be. This from a woman who wears a push-up bra. That's fraud, my friend. Her hubby Rick Salomon agreed with this reason in his own set of legal papers. It's a surprise that their marriage didn't work. On paper it should've been great. He'd starred in a sex tape with Paris Hilton, and she starred in a sex tape with Tommy Lee. Surely putting two stars together should be great. But it's like those episodes of CSI where Horatio turns up in New York, it just doesn't quite work Here's the source story.

Oh, Bank Holidays

It's Easter, and I have just spent the last few hours doing nothing. I love it. If the banks are going to take a holiday which means my cheques don't clear till probably Thursday, I don't see why I should lift a finger. It's spent the afternoon on Online Poker Sites. And being a Brit it's nice that there's internet-poker.co.uk that has sites for people like me. They also list sites that accept US players too, so don't feel left out. It's not just a list of sites thought, they do something that I like, because, well, I'm northern and cheap. They have bonuses, like the Party Poker Bonus Code, which means you can play at PartyPoker.com and using their bonus code you $25 free. It just means your money goes that little bit further. There's also a SkyPoker bonus. That's a site that doesn't accept US players, sorry about that. But you can read all about it because internet-poker.co.uk reviews it. They tell you about the games available there, the software is uses, and all sorts of info. So that's what I spent my bank holiday doing. I hope the banks had a much fun as me, because it's back to work for us both tomorrow.

Carey Only Dates The Rich And Famous

Here's a story I found in the news. Well, the bits that aren't in the brackets were in the news. (High-pitched screaming/) Singer Mariah Carey has revealed that she prefers to date famous (rich) men, because they are more likely to "fully understand (/pay for)" her. The singer told Allure magazine that she wants to find a partner who understands the world of celebrity (from his own yacht). Carey said: "That's a big deal for me - feeling like somebody else can't fully understand me because they're not in show business." Hang on. She's in showbiz so only other people in showbiz can understand her. Then why isn't she also only willing to date people who had an embarrassing mental breakdown a few years ago?

Ye Olde Identity Theft

I was finding out about LoudSiren recently. It is a system that helps to prevent identity theft. It's the big worry of the modern age. Back in the old days people sat in ye olde inne didn't worry that somewhere in a neighbouring hamlet there might be someone pretending to be them, running up big bills and ruining their reputation. And yet, for all our advances with technology, we have made the situation worse. These days computers actually make it easier for people to get the details they need to pretend to be us. A signature takes ages to perfect, but as soon you know the four digits of someone's PIN you're away. And now LoudSiren is in partnership with Debix, which is also a system to prevent identity theft. With this you get a call asking for confirmation before credit can be taken out in your name. And with a special number that goes to your phone, your PIN and Voice Key being needed they know it is really you and not some bad guy sat in an ye olde inne in the adjacent hamlet who's just nicked your wallet. You can have a look about how it works on Debix.com

Ulrika Takes Fashion Too Far

Ulrika Jonsson went on BBC2's Politics Show talking about NHS maternity wards, but reading about it on the internet it seems more people were paying attention to her chesticles. OK, I guess it's not what you would normally see on the Politics Show, but that's because Michael Portillo doesn't wear a push up bra. (That we know of, but you never can tell what these Tory types are into.) But why hasn't anyone commented on her skin? She's showing enough of it off. You're meant to have a handbag that matches your look, not a look that matches your handbag. With skin like that you could slap a handle on her and you could check her in at Gatwick.

Humans And Teeth

In the old days, and I mean the really old days with cavemen and such, not just mullets and shoulder pads. In the really old days humans lived for about 20 years. So they just about got out of that grumpy teenage phase and then they died. But if did mean their teeth lasted for their whole life. But these days with our healthier foods, better medicine and lower incidence of mammoth attack, we live a lot longer. But our teeth are still the same teeth. We now need them to last for 80 or 90 years. And life expectancy just keeps going up, so the pressure on our teeth to last will only get worse. So it's worth finding a good dentist and sticking with him or her. For example, if you're looking for a Lincoln Dentist or a Nebraska Denstist have a look at www.coddingtondental.com. Dr. Alderman seems like a good dentist who is caring, and that's more important with a dentist than any other health care worker. That's because for some reason more people have a fear of dentists than anyone other type of person who starts their name with Dr. So, find someone who doesn't make you feel scared, and get them to sort out your teeth. That way you'll still be smiling when you're 109... ...unless they bring back mammoths.

Mariah Carey Say Touch But Don't Look

Mariah Carey have an interview in Allure magazine, and she insisted that she is a prude. She actually said "a freakin' prude." And by opting to use the weaker of the f-words there, I guess she proved it. But it's hard to believe someone is prudish when they do a video like this... There aren't too many ways to take the sentence "Touch My Body". Getting someone to touch your body is always about sex. Well, unless you have been walking around a man-made fibre carpet in cheap shoes for an hour. Then you want then to touch your body so they get a static electric shock. But she ain't wearing cheap shoes. She goes on to say that she's never had a one night stand and compares herself to the reserved nanny from the 1964 film "Mary Poppins." Oh, come off it! Mary Poppins had a one-nighter. I bet she did that chimney sweep once. You can see the sexual tension in the film. Here's the source.

Armand Rousso On Green Things

Did you know places like British Columbia are implementing a consumer-based carbon tax? So, unless you are burning hydrogen or have created cold fusion in your back garden, you will be affected. It's hard to complain because we know that carbon dioxide is doing the planet in, but at the same time, can we really handy losing more money from our disposable income? Have a read of Armand Rousso Green Business Blog. It's interesting and it might make you think about whether you agree with the tax or not.

Lies, Damn Lies and...

This is a brilliant bit of news. Only a third of people trust official statistics, according to official statistics. I don't think that's true, so I guess I'm in the 64%. Figures from an Office for National Statistics poll of more than 1,000 adults also found 84% thought figures were manipulated for political purposes. But hey, 16% of people don't think the figures are manipulated, and that looks better. Who comes up with the idea of walking into a street with a clipboard and asking people if they like surveys? If they say no you're doing yourself out of a job. But maybe we need to watch it. Every day we get more and more of these pointless surveys. And according to a recent survey I did 100% of respondents said they had taken part in a survey. So it's an epidemic!

Business Update: Day 61

Another lesson I have learned through setting up a little business is that these days doing face to face meetings takes up so much time. If you have to take things slowly then that's OK. But if you want to get things moving you have to have your meetings on the phone. At the start of a business you can't waste time. But also you don't want to spend loads of your precious money getting the facilities. You can get Free Conference Calls on the internet these days. And if you do it at www.freeconferencecall.com they provide extra services, like the conference call can be recorded which provide you with a record of what you talked about. And you can have up to 96 callers the conference calls. And by the time you have 96 people involved you're business is doing well. It's not just a local thing either, you can have International Conferencing, just don't plan then for the middle of the night over there. So even for a business that's beyond the new phase we're in at the moment having this Conference Call Service could be a good money saving measure. It looks easy to set up too, so no need to open up a new IT department.

Got The Winehouse Nude Picture

We reported earlier that Amy Winehouse is posing without clothes for charity. It's the most worthy thing she's done in a while, so that's all good. But we have just seen the picture... ...but don't those bits of gaffa tape make you just want to rip them off? It would smart and make her eyes water, but even she says her tears dry on their own. And the bit of tape she'll have on lower down but we can't see for the guitar. That's one way to get a Brazilian.

Home Cinema

These days everyone has a home cinema system. Normally that just means a big telly. But recently on one of the radio stations I work for we have been playing ads for a company that build log cabins in your back garden, and I have the perfect way to use one. Make a proper home cinema. Have a look at the home theater furniture www.stargatecinema.com where you can get proper cinema seats, framed cinema posters and even those posts and ropes. And they can also sell you a popcorn machine. You could turn a room into a real home cinema. Cool!

The One Dollar Post

Have you ever searched for content to add to your blog? You get a lot of places that want you to add javascript to you page and they put content on that way. Well, cheers. So that's giving them the freedom to put any ads they want on your site, to pay you nothing for it and to give you content that won't be indexed by any search engines. Hmm. But if you run a monetized blog having a steady flow on content is essential. If you're doing paid for posts you need the non-paid ones to go in-between or a) you'll have a rubbish blog and b) you'll breach the terms of the paid-for contract. So here's the idea. Do you want some content on your blog that you can post in a way that will be indexed and keep your blog alive? Visit www.onedollarpost.co.cc and have the subject One Dollar Post. If you give them keywords or topics you want posts on they will do you a unique 150-word topical post on that subject for a dollar. So, if you're writing paid for posts for 5-dollars (and that's pretty much the least you could earn) and pay 1-dollar to get the non-paid for posts on your blog, you make a 400% profit. It's a pay by paypal thing, so it's easy and they will email you the text so you don't even have to hand over any details of your blog. www.onedollarpost.co.cc

Girls Say KitKat's Aloud

We seem to be having a spate of celebrities endorsing things I don't think they use. First it was David Beckham becoming the new face of some pens. Oh year, the great writer Mr Beckham. I bet he thought, "Cool, I'm the new face of those things you take the lids off to clean out your ears." And now it's Girls Aloud being the new face of KitKat. Just look at Cheryl Cole... ...does she look like a woman who eats anything with calories? What next? Amy Winehouse selling smoothies? Pete Doherty selling soap!

The Blogger's Worry

As a blogger life is good and fresh and happy. Whenever I have a thought or comment on a story in the news, I don't have bottle it up and let it fester, I can let it out into the world. That's healthy. There are probably psychologists who would prescribe such a technique. But being a blogger does bring with it worries. I have been blogging since 2003 and there are comments and gags I've written that I can't remember, but I can search through. Recently I found a gag I wrote about Lindsay Lohan back in 2006 that I enjoyed re-reading. And what would happen if something went wrong with my blog! Just thinking about it makes me sweat. And if you have a blog you have been writing for a long time you too could have as much to lose. Maybe your blog is filled with wise comments or well researched postings. If you lost that you would be crying for a week. Have a look at this little web service I found. It's BlogBackupr at blogbackupr.com that will back up your blog. It works over the internet and keeps a copy of all your work so even if you epicentre of Google blew up and the hard disk with your blogger posts went up in flames, you would have access to a safe copy. And the world would still have access to my Lindsay Lohan joke, and I think we should all agree, that makes the world a better place.

Is Suzanne Shaw Thick?

Suzanne Shaw showed how skilled she is by winning Dancing On Ice, but she's followed it up by showing how dim she is. Obviously she's not the brightest button in the box after having a child with Darren Day and thinking he would be a good dad. But now she has admitted she had no idea who Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are. She said: "I'm going to be honest. I've never heard either of these names before." So she's well read then. Guess she won't be winning 'Thinking On Ice'. But in her defence, she is an attractive blonde and they are demographically less likely to have heard of Hillary Clinton, because when Bill Clinton meets an attractive blonde woman he tends not to mention the wife.

The IT Future

I can see a future where there are no workers, everyone's job will be done by computers. Of course, that means there'll still be IT workers. There will be a need for people who can fix networks and maintain databases. And in this future the people with it training will be kings as they are the only ones who can get jobs. We will worship them and hope they will let us eat their leftovers. Now would be a good time to plan this future. You can do that by going to a technical school. You can find tech schools at www.tech-training-schools.org. And when the future happens, remember me when you're dishing out leftovers.

Kate's Downstairs Obsession

We recently saw that Kate Beckinsale went on a TV show with no pants. That's OK, because many of us watched her on that show while not wearing pants, so we don't have the moral high ground. But it is just on in a series of sexual jokes the actress has made recently. She recently revealed her nickname for her private parts is 'Pharaoh's Tomb'. That's quite a nice nickname for it. I'd quite like to visit the Pharaoh's Tomb, but I wouldn't want to take her up the Sphinx. The actress also said she would rather eat a woman's vagina than have a sushi dinner. It's just as fishy but with less rice. She's on the Atkins then.

Career Advice

Do you ever think that maybe what you do for a living isn't adding to the world? Maybe I'm just having a crisis week, but I think that if I didn't write for the radio shows I write for, or present the ones I present, or even do the stand-up, the world would just be the same only with ever so slightly fewer laughs. If you want to do something that people will notice, go to chef school. If people are forced to live without a cutting remake on Britney's lifestyle they tend to get by fine, but if people don't get their food they soon moan. So you would become important to all those who eat what you have made. You can find culinary schools on the website www.culinary-school-finder.com and take a look through the info they have, and when you find the right culinary school for you, you could be on your way to a successful and rewarding career.

Woman Gets New Anus

There's a brilliant story in the news today. An O.A.P. is to sue a hospital after she went in for a leg op and left with a new anus. "Left with a new anus!!!" Sounds like prison. The shocked German woman woke up and found she had been the victim of a mix-up with an incontinent patient due to have a sphincter operation, according to reports. And why is it this women who we're feeling sorry for? What about the other woman? She's the one who now has a sore leg but still craps all over the place.

Specialism

One thing I love about the world is the level of complexity possible in everything. Some people specialise and devote their entire life to learning all about one thing. Obviously as a chemistry graduate I saw several lecturers who not only specialised in the science of chemistry, but focused just on inorganic compounds like superconductors. But it's not just science that allowed such specialism. Everything in life does. If you felt like it you focus all your brain power on becoming an expert at folding paper or juggling. Such speciality can be seen on shoemoney.com. It's a website that knows more about Google's AdSense than most people could ever learn. And you have that much knowledge you can do well out of it. You may have seen the famous picture on the web before, I know I had, but check this... The site is essentially a quality blog with naturally written posts and lots to read and learn. But I have to say, I like the radio element the best. Effectively they are podcasts which you can leave playing in the background a go about your web shenanigans while you learn. There are some tools on there too, like the search engine results pages, but I feel the best bit of this website is that you can pick up snippets of information from someone who is specialising more than you would ever be able to do.

Musical Interlude: Nickelback - Rockstar

I've posted a few songs lately for your enjoyment, including the big ones like Girls Aloud and Duffy. But the Nickelback one seems to have passed me by. We play it a lot on the radio station, even though it's a song that seems to be up drug taking. But if you're listening to me every day you probably need something to get you through it. It has some great lyrics, like: "Gonna date a centrefold that loves to blow... my money for me". Hmm, yes. And who could ignore the fame of a band who have recently been inducted into the Toronto Walk Of Fame! I didn't even know Toronto had a Walk Of Fame. I guess it is more like a stroll. Here's the song for you anyway... Here's some background detail...

LoudSiren

I've been reading up some more on this Loud Siren thing. It's a way of protecting your credit, and therefore your credit rating. And these days having a bad credit rating is like having bad breath. You look alright but soon or later you'll get denied access to something you want. LoudSiren is a fraud alert system. What that means is when anyone attempts to take out credit using your personal information, you get an alert. Basically they check to see if you know about the credit request, and if you do, great - tell them yes and let the good times roll. If you don't know anything about it you have just been told that someone is trying to use your credit. You tell them to deny that request and you credit is safe, and if you are in total control of your credit there's no reason why you would get into a bad credit rating situation. In doing my research I've found that you can sign up at LoudSiren.com for $89 a year. You can get a promotion code from www.loudsirenpromotioncode.com and you'll be up and running. Heck, you could even pay for it with money you got on credit.

Kate Beckinsale Goes Without Pants

Kate Beckinsale has caused a stir by going commando on a US chat show. Yep, she's in trouble now. Britney may sue for breach of copyright. She was on Craig Ferguson's show and she admitted she didn't have any pants on after her microphone fell out just moments into their interview. She said: "They wanted to hook it into the back of my knickers." They where did they shove it? What's with all these celebrities not wearing undies? They're setting a bad example. We follow the trends celebs set so soon we could all be going without our inner trouser casing. And I feel sorry for the people who try to scrape together a living by making underpants. Looks like the bottom has fallen out of their market. (I know, it needs a cymbal crash) Here's the source...

Loud Siren

I am the Steve of the future. So far in 2008 I haven't been to an ATM. Cash is so 2007! I have been using credit cards for everything and it is working. The only trouble is, I am worried that if I live my whole life in the plastic realm I might me more at risk of some faker getting my details and spending on my card. I know it's an added risk of credit cards, but I love the convenience too much to give it up. Credit is all great, but the big worry for us all is that someone else gets out details they could use our credit. I did find something that can help with all this. It's Loud Siren. Have a look at their website LoudSiren.com. LoudSiren is a system that helps to prevents people using your credit. You get to approve or deny new accounts from your phone. So if you're the one using it you OK it, if it's some bad guy you don't OK it. Simple but affective. And isn't it true that the best plans are always the simple ones? So we can all go about leaving the old skool cash behind.

Man Charged For Keeping Woman On Toilet

In toilet-related news: A man whose girlfriend spent nearly two years sitting on a loo has been charged with mistreatment of a dependent adult. Kory McFarren, 37, from Kansas in the US, was charged on Monday in Ness County District Court. It's tricky for a man to fully grasp the hideousness of this crime, because we all think, "Imagine how much reading she must've got done." For a man, the toilet is the best room in the house. It's got running water, it gives you time to red the paper, and most of all it's the only room with a lock on it. McFarren called the Ness County Sheriff’s Office in late February to say something was wrong with his girlfriend. When authorities arrived at the home, they found Pam Babcock, 35, stuck to the toilet, which they think she had sat on for about a month. Dude, FIBRE! McFarren told authorities that Babcock feared leaving the bathroom and may not have left it in two years, although said he was unsure how long she was in there. Man, he must've been bursting. Check the source...

Ooh, I've Fallen

I fell over in the shower a while back, and it's sobering to think that if I weren't the age I am now that could've been it. In your 20s and 30s you fall over and you get up again. But over a certain age "falling" rises up the list of most common causes of fatality. Now that thought has depressed you, I will mention the plus side to being careful in the bathroom. You can get yourself walk in bathtubs. How cool are they! Have a look at www.arwholesale.com and you'll see.

Winehouse Poses Naked

Run for cover, Winehouse is stripping. Just found this news story: "Troubled Amy Winehouse has taken her clothes off to posed for a nude photo shoot, raising breast cancer awareness among young women." They say "taken her clothes off" but for all we know, she might not have had any on when she turned up. She often walks around at 4am in the street in just a bra. So it's not a great leap to get her to pose nude. Just catch her on laundry day.

New Spring Resolution

I don't know why we have the concept of the New Year's resolution. The New Year time of year is cold, dark and wintery. In those conditions I'm not very resolute about anything. But this time of year, when we get towards spring and the sap is rising, you feel invigorated to do and achieve. That's why I've left it till now to get more exercise equipment from my mini gym. I'll be looking like Arnie in no time. (What, old and out of place?) Have a look at www.workoutwarehouse.com if you feel the urge to tone up too.

Leona Lewis On Oprah

Leona Lewis was on Oprah the other day. I mean, on her show. It wasn't some kind of very odd and unexpected girl-on-girl thing. It's a great opportunity for Leona, but still, she must be annoyed she didn't get to go on the show the day she was giving away cars. As a Brit I do feel it's cheeky that it's so hard for our artists to make it big in the US. We really want one of our top talents to go out there and show them how good we are. Of course, as soon as they do make it big, we have to start hating them. It's not easy being a Brit. If the link works, this should be Leona on Oprah.

Silly Cones

I was just reading on the web how bad for you silicone can be. I had no idea, but it seems that the artificial substance can cause damage to the immune system. Now, I know what you're thinking, "I don't eat a lot of silicone, unless there's something in that special sauce I don't know about." It's not a food thing, it's a breast implant thing. If you have silicone put inside you and they burst they can be really bad for you. But you can get saline breast implants, and that's just salty water. Or you just need to make sure you go to a reputable plastic surgeon to get the silicone ones. Have a look at www.lookingyourbest.com if you want to get more info.

McCartney Stumps Up For Heather

It's been made official, Heather Mills will get about £25million in her divorce from Sir Paul McCartney. It's difficult to know who's the winner in that. It had been previously thought she would get around £200million. If she would've got all that money she would've been bigger than the economy of Luxembourg, and from what we hear in the papers fewer people have actually been in Luxembourg. It was originally estimated that Paul was worth £825million. So now he'll only be worth £800million. I think he'll cope somehow. But on the flip side, £25 million is still a lot of money. It's like she's won 4 lotteries, and she only had to deal with two balls. She never needs to work again. So the next time you're at work and you are getting some stress from your boss who's thick but his father knows the company owner, just think, you could escape from it all if only you were willing to be banged by a Beatle for a few years. I think it's worth it. (As long as it's not Ringo.) Read the source here...

Rooftop Confessions

Have you ever had a phone call from someone's pocket? You know, when they catch the redial button and you get a call. If you notice that you can hear their conversation it's very difficult to put the phone down. There's something inbuilt in our psyches that make us want to eavesdrop. We are pre-programmed to want insider info from other people's lives. It makes you feel dirty, in a good way. So imagine how good and dirty I have felt today when I found the Rooftop confessions website www.rooftopconfessions.com It's a website where people can submit their darkest deepest confessions, and you can listen to them. If these things were so personal and things that should be kept a secret, no one would care. But as this is info that you know you shouldn't know it's hard to stop. In one way, it's great to get these dodgy sexual experiences or risky situations vicariously. Why actually get yourself into such scrapes when you want hear what other people have done. It's like the fun without the personal risk. If you have got a confession you can sign up and confess yourself, but I'm more of a lurker. I guess that's my confession.

Amy Winehouse Now Without Her Dress

The dress that Amy Winehouse wore during her recent Grammys performance has sold on eBay for £1,950. What! That's a lot of money for someone who's about to have a massive cleaning bill. I don't know for sure, but she looks like she would've left it dirty. But if you collect the dusty 'powder' that's on it you could probably sell it for a packet. So, someone's got her dress. Now all they need to get us a beehive wig and a packet of cigarettes. Don't wear any of it, just take a male friend out drinking, and when he's blind drunk take him home and leave Winehouse's dress and cigarettes on his bedroom floor, and put the beehive wig sticking of the duvet. In the morning he'll wake up, see it all and think, "Oh my god! What did I do? Did I s*** Amy Winehouse!" And then he'll spend the rest of the day in a Dettol bath with a wire brush. Great prank.

What's In A Rank

Nothing ever changes. In the old days your success and standard of living was denoted by your rank. If you were a private you were far more likely to have to live off meagre rations and be forced to run at people with gun than those who had the rank of admiral. And the same rules hole true for bloggers. Well, a blogger with a low rank isn't likely to run at people, but the meagre rations bit fits in with the analogy. So, as a blogger, how to you work out your rank? Are you mighty and influential or are you a lowly surf of internet verbosity? You need to know these things. There is a blog ranking tool at IZEARanks.com You add a little bit of code to you blog and you start to get the stats. Not only do you get the basic (yet still useful) page views and unique visitor stats, you get to see the rank that your blog has. I'm loving it, because if you go to the page about this blog http://izearanks.com/sites/stevenallen-blogspot-com and have a look at the 1 month data you will see I've had a good run of things. In fact I've gone from around the 1k level to a rank of about 80. And do you know why? It was one post I wrote about the news story of a teacher in the UK who has been sacked after she was caught starring in those kind of films where people don't wear many clothes (no, not a Girls Aloud video, I mean the other sort). It turns out a lot of people were interested in that topic, and my rank reflected that. There are other ways to work out a rank of your website, but they aren't updated daily, so you can't tell what it is that you have done to bring about a change in the rank. Because of the daily nature of the stats at IZEARanks I know that issues about teachers doing wrong things in the UK is a winner. You can also use the tool to compare your rank against that of other blogs. So, find a blog that has written about the same topic as you have and see if their rank shifted too. Not only will this site tell you what your rank is, you can be smart about it and use the info to write about things that will get more people to you blog, and therefore improve you rank. So, with any luck, I'm be off meagre rations and running away from any other nasty looking people. "Admiral! Save me a slice of cake!"

Cheryl Still Won't Wear Wedding Ring

Even though Cheryl Cole has taken back her cheating husband Ashley, things are totally back to normal yet. She was photographed out and about still not wearing her wedding ring. It's fair enough, I guess Ashley took his off and put it in his pocket while out drinking. But it has been weeks since the singer has been seen out in public with her ring on show. If only the same could be said about Britney Spears.

Home Makeover

In many ways I am like a dog. I don't mind this analogy as much as you'd think because I have good hearing and a scarily good sense of smell. I've spotted small gas leaks in people's homes that they haven't noticed in all the time they've lived there. And I have a great trick of smelling when someone is going to get ill. I can smell it on them. It's hard to describe but it smells a bit like a mixture between blood and mustiness. And I'm more often right than wrong. Most people think it must be a great skill to have, and it is, up to a point, but there is a downside. I can't stand places or people who smell. I've had to walk out of places because of smells before. That's why I like things like Renuzit TriScents. If you go to their website, www.triscents.com, you can easily download a coupon to try them. And while you're at the site it's a good time to enter to win a $20,000 home makeover. So, not only would you house smell good enough for me to visit, it would look good too. You go to their site and click on the see official rules bit. You work on and then submit a video (max length 2 mins), a photo (no bigger that 500kb) and essay (no more than 250 words). You have to get across why your home needs a make-over. You can show and explain it. And if you need a good nose to come round to state that it even smells like it needs a make-over, I'm your man. So, enter to win at www.triscents.com

Woman Smuggles Drugs INTO Jail

A woman from Florida has joined her husband in jail after she tried to visit him while carrying 20 grams of marijuana concealed in two condoms. He must be upset. He finally gets to see his wife after being in the company of men, and she's already used the condoms. Guards noticed something odd under her clothing. Two full condoms. She could've just said she was pleased to see them. Here's the source...

Camping

One of the best things we did at school, other than dissect that bull's eye (it was gross, but I've never said "one-hundred-and-eighty" and got such a laugh before), was go on a camping holiday. We went to Derbyshire, to the village where the plague started (I don't think we read as much into that as we do with hindsight - I guess the teachers didn't love us that much). But it was great. We were able to live out there in the countryside. And the great thing about living in the UK is that the countryside is pleasant and no where near as deadly as it is in other countries. The closest thing to deadly snakes we have is slow worms, and they could potentially bore you to death. You are slightly at the mercy of the weather, of course. And that's why you should sort yourself out with Camping Insurance. You can get a quote from www.clubcareinsurance.co.uk and see that a camping holiday can be protected and still a really good deal. Oh, and by the way, that place in Derbyshire we went to, it had the plague before we got there. I'm not taking the blame on this one.

Essex Police On The Run

Police officers from Havering, Essex, are going on a 36-mile run. Why, has Paula Radcliff been shoplifting? They will join fellow Met officers for a 36-mile New York run. That's got to be odd if you're in New York, and you see all those British cops running. You'd think, "Dude! These guys really don't let up on the chase." Actually, the Americans are more likely to think, "See how far you have to chase the criminals when you don't shoot them!" They're doing it to raise money for Jack Brown, who is fighting neuroblastoma. I heard about the story when I was covering a show on a radio station in Essex. So all the best to them.

The PC Future

So, after spending another day of my life fixing the computers at work (It's not my job to do anything with the computers, but no one else here knows how to do anything) I have decided in the future there will be no Windows. I love Linux, and I want to have its babies. It's just safer, more stable and more secure. Have a look a the Yoggie website www.yoggie.com where they do the Best Linux Firewall And look at the Firestick Pico. It's a USB mini-computer that works as a Firewall and protects your computer from malicious attacks before they can reach your PC. Doing thing in the world of software leaves vulnerabilities, but having it done on hardware like this is better. And you know how much I love USB products. Oh, bring on the future.

Radio 1 Ruins Teens Party

How's this for the power of radio. Hundreds of drunken gatecrashers swarmed into an 18th birthday party after the event was announced on Radio One. I could mention a party on my show and probably get about two more people to turn up, one of them just for the twiglets. Rebecca Brooks said car loads of revellers from miles around drove up their mile long drive, stormed into their Georgian house and caused thousands of pounds worth of damage. Some odd looking people turn up and ruin your house. That's just like Changing Rooms. There were 100 invited guests, but someone called a Radio One slot on which people can tell the audience what they were doing that night. Mrs Brooks, 54, said someone called the BBC with details of the party. He said: "I blame the BBC for this." Oh dear, the last time the BBC upset a party, it was the Labour Party by presenting news about the made up Iraq dossier, and look what happened there.

The Amazing Human Body

There are many things in life that make you say, "The human body is an amazing thing." Like when you get a cut on your lip and it's healed in a few days. Or when you see really short people and think, "Where do all the organs go?" But one thing that really shows how the body is an amazing thing is martial arts. With training the human body can do things that look amazing. Check out Tae Yun Kim from South Korea. She is a prominent martial artist, but not only that, she is a spiritual group leader too. She claims to be "The Highest Ranking Females Martial Artist in the World". She started training at the age of seven. (Don't you sometimes wish you parents would've made you do thing from the age of seven, because it's the only way to be world class at them.) She founded the art of Jung SuWon, which translates as "the way of uniting body, mind and spirit in total harmony". And I think we could all do with a bit of that. She overcame several problems to become who she is today, and I always find those types of stories interesting. You can have a look at the Tae Yun Kim - Wikipedia page.

Musical Interlude: Kylie Minogue - Wow

Here's another song for you. It's the pint size popstress who recently said she'd go on a world tour when she turns 40. Well, for a single woman of 40, it's either a world tour or sitting around at home with lots and lots of cats. And then the only thing that would make her say "Wow!" would be finding a new shop that sells candles.

More Blogs

A while back I promised to mention more of my fellow bloggers, to spread the love if you will, and to get more people reading more blogs. Well, the one I going to mention today could really help you. One thing we all know to be good at these days is money. Money and knowing how to programme a timer on your cable box and DVD recorder to they actually work together, they're the main skills you need in life these days. But it's the money side of things today's blog is about. marketmelange.blogspot.com is a Market.Melange | Hedge fund manager´s brainstorming tool site. It's written by academic and industry professionals, so it knows what it's on about. Just spreading some blogging love.

Suzanne Shaw Wins Dancing On Ice

Well done to Suzanne Shaw for winning Dancing On Ice. She's looking sexy these days. I'd love to see her Bolero. In the two performances in the earlier part of the show all the judges gave her 6.0. And, all together now, looking at her, I'd give her one. Here's one of the reasons she won...

One Off My Annoying List

There are many things I find annoying in life. Wind chimes (what, do we live in a place where we need to scare away wild feral animals?), people who send spam faxes to my home phone number (beep all you want machine, no one's gonna understand you) but most of all, people who can't take tablets. They try and take them and then nearly throw up. They go red and have a little mini panic attack. You want to just say, "It's a tablet. It's so much smaller than the average bolus of food you swallow, so shut up." But they are the sort of people for whom sense and logic don't make good arguments. So how about this? You can get you vitamins from Body Balance that come as a liquid. Have a look at www.liquidvitaminsolutions.com and you will see that you can get all the supplements that can keep you healthy in a liquid form, so mo more choking around with a red face. Read more about it on their website.

A Way To Protect Your Blog PageRank

This is never going to be a blog about blogging. Firstly, I don't know enough about it to really lead, I just write stuff because I, well, I like words, they're, like, erm, well, good. But also, blogs about blogs are a little 'pop will eat itself'. But everyone is crying about the loss of PageRank for bloggers who have written paid for blogs. Here's the conspiracy theory: Paid for blogs were working really well, so people would advertise their sites by getting some blog posts paid for instead of spending their money on Google ads. Google kills the page rank on those sites, which means the paid fors aren't worth as much, so people go back to spending money on Google ads, and guess who makes more money from that. Some say the disclosure policy statements on the sites are what gives it away, so a friend of mine send me this... This goes in the head bit... <SCRIPT type='text/javascript'> function showAlert() { alert('This blog does paid for posts etc blah blah blah.'); } </SCRIPT> This goes where you want to statement... <input value="Disclosure Statement" onclick="showAlert();" type="button"/> And that way you can still have site-wide disclosure of your paid for blog writing without leaving an obvious sign for the bots. I don't know if it works or even makes sense, but I thought I'd pass it on anyway.

Things I Have Learned Today

I think learning is good, so here is a short list of things I have learned so far today. The word odium means "hatred". Buttons are saver than a zip fly. Coffee and cheap soy milk are immiscible. Duck's quacks do echo, contrary to popular belief, it's juts that they don't hang around in caves very often. There's more caffeine in coffee than tea, but everyone will tell you it's the other way round. You get more caffeine from tea than coffee if you put cheap soy milk in it, because you don't drink it. I have odium for cheap soy milk. I have bigger odium for zip flies. A duck flies, but not in a cave. I think that's about everything I have learned so far, but the day is still young. I learn things everyday, but as you may have noticed, most of it is useless. You can do some more worthwhile learning over the internet these days. Check out capella university at www.capellaeducation.com It started back in 1993 and is accredited university that is fully online. You can do a degree in subjects like business, information technology, public safety, and others. And there you can learn things that are of more use than knowing about my hatred of soy. This blog post was based on information provided by Blogitive. For more information, please visit Blogitive.com.

Man Runs At Plane

There was a security alert as a man ran out on to a runway in front of a Heathrow Airport jet. Well, to be fair, we do call it a 'run-way'. And yet when he 'runs' on it we arrest him. We're sending mixed messages. The black-clad intruder scaled a perimeter fence and dashed towards the Northern Runway where the Emirates plane was about to take off. Then again, he probably thought it was the safest place to be. It wasn't that many weeks ago the planes at Heathrow were coming down off the runways. If you're on a runway you're less likely to have a plane land on you. A black rucksack he was carrying was later destroyed in a controlled explosion — but was found to contain only clothing. Yeah, but one of the items was a tank top, so it had to be blown up. The unnamed suspect was taken to nearby Heathrow police station for questioning. The reason for his break-in was still unknown last night, but terrorism was ruled out. Can we rule in being the world's most optimistic hitchhiker?

Advertise Your Blog

Running a blog can be a profitable thing. A friend of mind has paid his rent just be blogging for the past few months. That's not bad at all, but it does make things a little more serious. If an OK blog can pay your rent a really good one could bring in a secondary wage. That could mean more holidays or a bigger house. But trying to advertise your website can me tricky. If it's something that could pay your rent it's worth thinking a little bigger than just swapping links. I found a site that has a way to advertise it in the real world (I know, the real world, it's scary, but that's where people live). It's Patchwork Promotions, and they are useful for small businesses on a tight budget advertise themselves on posters. And it is also in the price range that website owners can get in on. They are called "Patchwork" because they split up the space and fill it with a patchwork of ads, each one being cheaper than trying to afford the whole poster. They have advertising space on the New York City Subway, and you can get your add in that patchwork. As you would imagine, the New York City Subway is a busy place and that means a lot of eyes will see your ad. On their website they talk about a recent survey that shows the total impressions per month for a typical subway advertising campaign can be greater than 70 million. That's a lot of people getting your message. Trying to get that many people to see your ad online would be expensive. And placing your ad in a newspaper with a circulation around that figure would also cost lots. It explains show it works at www.patchworkpromotions.com and there's an interesting page where the alternative ways to advertise are compared. If you go for it, it's easy to use as the site uses a secure store front hosted by Yahoo, and you pay through Paypal.

Pamela Anderson Poses In Pants At 40

Pamela Anderson turned 40 last year, yet she has recently posed for some saucy pictures. And look... She's still got it. Normally when a woman gets past 40 the only time you see her flaunting her underwear is when she's had too much gin and is stumbling down the street. Pamela now plans to create a range of saucy lingerie. Looking at the new picture she should design herself some pants that fit. She's got enough space in there to be a man. She says her undies will give an edge to a woman while lovemaking. Yeah, just tell the man, 'these are Pamela Anderson's pants' and he'll put some extra effort in. I guess I shouldn't be so shocked that she isn't ageing too fast. Most of her body parts aren't biodegradable.

Me And Hilary

Actress Hilary Swank recently said that she takes a lot of vitamins and other supplements. You know what, so do I. Now, I don't have a body like hers (obviously, or the rounded rear and chesticles would look odd on me) but I do think that supplements are the key to achieving all I achieve. Someone at work today said, "I don't know how you manage to keep doing three jobs." I said something about needing the money, but the truth is that since I started taking various supplements I have found I have the energy to do all that I want to do. And it's not just a multivitamin and cod liver oil these days. You can get some amazing supplements. If you have a look at sites like Supplements.net there's a massive range. From things like the Hi-Tech Fastin supplement to the antioxidants you can get a fascinating array of supplements. And if you do get a body like Hilary, give me a call.

Man Fails To Sue Bookies

Graham Calvert, a compulsive gambler who lost more than £2million, tried to get compensation and damages from William Hill in the High Court. So, he was blaming them for his gambling and took them to court. It was a bit of a gamble. But I suppose he was used to doing that. As it turns out the judge ruled that the bookies owed Graham Calvert no duty of care. But it's OK. He probably put some money on the result each way.

Air Ambulance

Sometimes flying isn't that much fun. Like, if you have to fly on a business trip when you would much rather be spending time with your family. Or, of course, when you're flying 'back' from a great holiday to a job you hate. But the worst time to fly must be when you are flying for medical reasons. If you are in hospital and you need to be transferred to a different hospital, the flight must be at the bottom of the list for fun trips. On the plus side, you won't have any children on the flight kicking the back of your seat, but dude, you're ill. But while it's not fun, it is the most important flight of your life. So you want to get it right. I didn't even know they had sites like this, but have a look at www.airambulance.net where you can find information about air ambulance services. They can provide critical care with fully trained nursing staff, basically like a mid-flight hospital. They do international flights, or even if it's just domestic from Florida to Arizona, California to New York, or even Texas to Hawaii, the company can get your charter a flight with its own doctor who can provide emergency medical treatment if needed. It's amazing. Obviously, we all hope we never need one, but it's good to know about.

Poor Old Brian Harvey

Poor old Brian Harvey. He's not had a great life. He was the lead singer in East 17, so that's not a great start. Hi might be involved in a come-back following the success of the Take That one. But it's not the first time that East 17 have had a come-back. In fact, they've come back more times than thrush. Recently Brian was banned from driving after being caught speeding. Seeing as a couple of years ago he managed to drive over himself and end up in hospital. Now, if there was ever a man who should've been driving carefully it's a man who drove over his own head. And then, today, there's a picture of his ex-girlfriend in the newspaper that must really rub salt in the wound. She's model Emma B. Looking at these pictures, I can't help thinking she has the wrong surname. Tough look Brian.

What To Do With Your Blog Money

A lot of people these days are making good money from their blogs, so I'm thinking this 'extra money' that you weren't expecting is a great source of cash that you can use in ways you never normally would. Let me explain. Get the cash payout from your sponsor posts or text ads or whatever, and play the stock market, for example. At the PowerOptions site www.poweropt.com you can learn all about how to play the markets. It tells you how to do it, plus gets you’re the timely data, and their SmartSearchXL® is a decision support technology that identifies the highest return option trades. Check the covered calls on their site. Plus there's a free trial to see how it works out for you.

Jacksons Move To UK

Michael Jackson's family are moving to Devon. Yep, the freaks who you wouldn't leave your kids with because they don't really fit into society... ...will be getting the Jacksons as neighbours. It was Tito who spent the weekend looking at luxury homes to use as a Jackson family UK base. Most of the Jackson's are so rich that they could probably buy a house with cash. But Michael Jackson would probably put it on his plastic. Tito said: "I've got some good things going in the UK with TV..." That probably means he's signed up for the full Sky package for a year and doesn't want to waste it. He added: "We hope it will be a family hideaway where my brothers and sisters can escape the media attention when we need to." Yeah, because in the UK we're known to have polite press who don't hound celebrities at all. We also have great weather, good teeth and a love of the French. More details here...

Now Laptops Are Laptops

I went shopping for a notebook computer on the weekend, and I'm happy. A while back I had noticed that laptops were getting bigger. I saw one that really couldn't fit on your lap without crushing something. And I'll tell you something, my lap is where I keep a few things I think are valuable, so I don't want anything heavy going on there. They were making laptops that were so big you'd have to put them on the top of the desk, like, I don't know, maybe a 'desktop. But I saw a Fujitsu LifeBook U810 Mini-Notebook on the weekend. It has 1GB of ram, a 40GB Hard Drive, but the screen is only 5.6-in screen. So you can imagine that the whole machine is so small it really is a portable PC. It has a Touchscreen LCD display, and it runs Vista. And it's totally light enough to go on my precious lap. Now that's technology making sense at last.

Jenna Jameson Strips For Animals

Ex-porn star Jenna Jameson has stripped off to pose for animal rights charity PETA. She's one of a long line of celebrities who have done the same recently. Pamela Anderson, Alicia Silverstone, Dita Von Teese, Lucy Davis and Pink and all wore less to stop us being cruel to animals. The problem with this concept is that if we do stop being cruel to animals PETA will stop getting attractive women to take their clothes off. Where's the incentive? Jenna is promoting the use of 'pleather' instead of leather. She said: "I've worn a lot of pleather in my life. Anybody who knows me knows that I've kind of lived half my life in it." Well there's a shock. A porn star likes fake things. Read more...

Rare Coins

It can be difficult to know what to do with your money. If you put it in the bank the world markets mean you won't get much back. You put it in shares and you could lose it all. You put it under the mattress, and you won't get a good night's sleep. But how about this: Invest it in rare coins. Go to www.zoomcoin.com and you can learn about precious metals investments. This includes gold, silver and platinum bullion and bullion coins, as well as some other precious metals. If something is rare the supply can't meet the demand and that works in your favour and you collection will gain in value. And it's the only way of making an investment that you can add to by digging in your garden.

Paul McCartney's Ex Gets Dead Deer

Shocking news out today. Someone has left the mutilated remains of a deer in Sir Paul McCartney's shrine to his animal activist wife Linda. I don't want to point any fingers, but how many footprints came away from the scene? St John's Wood, on Macca's Somerset estate near Bampton, has been vandalised before after hunting was banned there. I say Paul should fight back. Find the local drinking establishment where these poachers are likely to hang out, and leave the mutilated remains of a Quorn. See how they like it.

Life's Too Short

There's no way to think about life insurance in a happy way, is there? As soon as you think about it you become aware of your own mortality, and that's not a bag of fun, is it? So, here goes trying make it a happy thing. Imagine the smiles on the faces of your loved ones when they realise they get some money. Sure, you won't be around to see it, but just imagine it. Your life insurance will help them out when they cash it in. So get some good life insurance quotes, from a place like www.20yearterm.com, get covered and live happily ever after. And even if you don't, you're covered. There you go, did that keep a happy vibe in it? Well, I tried.

New Camera Can See Under Your Clothes

A company has developed something that lets you see under someone's clothes. Normally we call that 'alcohol'. But this is a camera, called the T5000, that uses "passive imaging technology". It lets you see under the person's clothing to see if they're packing a weapon. And that's why we're all worried. We don't want people to be able to see that 'our weapon' doesn't look all that dangerous. Obviously the people in airport will have a crafty look at the babes who walk by, so you know what that means? The terrorists will start recruiting mingers. You know, the sort that you look at them clothed and think, "I'd rather eat Quorn than have to see them naked." They'd be the perfect terrorist. More details below...

What's In A Watch

You can tell a lot about a person by the watch that he wears. If a man has a digital watch with a calculator and diary on it, he's good at maths, you'd trust him with your accounts, but he's not much good with the ladies, so you'd trust him with your sister too. If he has a Jaeger LeCoultre watch he's a stylish man with a sense of looking good, but also not turning up late. If he has a Mickey Mouse watch he's probably currently the President of the USA. And if he doesn't have a watch? He's just been mugged. See what I mean, you can tell a lot about a men from his watch.

Cheryl Cole Wants "No Sex"

Cheryl Cole has banned hubby Ashley from having sex for six-months. So, it's just like any normal marriage then. Once on the anniversary and once for Valentines. A pal of the couple said: "Cheryl has told Ashley there will be no sex in their house for at least six months and although he's going to find it incredibly hard." I bet he is. My advice to him is, "Don't want any Girls Aloud videos." The 'source' added: "She wants Ashley to appreciate her and realise what he has got." And what he's got is a wife who won't put out. If he 'appreciates' that fact he'll be booking himself in for another haircut in no time. The Girls Aloud star has also agreed to renew her marriage vows during a secret summer ceremony in Newcastle. It will be the same vows they said last time, just at the end Ashley has added the words, "And this time, I really mean it."

Modern Protection

Have you ever seen the film Straw Dogs? There's obviously a very controversial scene in it that got the film banned for a few years, but the scene that has stuck with me more is the big fight scene at the end. Hoffman's character at the end of the film is under siege. His house is being attacked but the homicidal locals (we've all be in B&Bs like that) and he goes about fighting them off because he has the home advantage. He boils up water as a throwing weapon, he blocks the doors an the windows and he even sets a bear trap. It's a film that makes you think what you would do to keep your property safe. These days, if they remade the film, firstly they wouldn't do the controversial scene (I guess they were braver back then, or maybe just less politically correct), but it would also be dull. Because it would be set on the web. You see, these days the thing we spend most of the time protecting from bad guys is our computer networks. So the film would have a scene at the end where whoever replaces Dustin Hoffman gets Software Security Solutions. It's a solution for security issues. It has Anti Virus, Anti Spyware, Exploits, and Firewalls all in one place. Having it all together makes it easier to set-up, easier to use and actually cheaper in the long-run. This ESET smart security is great for your network. But it would make for a dull ending to the remake of Straw Dogs. Oh well, some you win, some you lose.

Church Schools Took Bribes

Shocking news that parents are being forced to pay cash bungs to get their kids a place at popular schools. I think that is terrible, for many reasons. Education of our children benefits all of society, so it's not something the parents should have to pay for. And bungs mean that the wealthy will get an unfair advantage over poorer children. But mostly I hate the idea because I don't want to have to do it. I want to keep my money to spend on me. Besides, I'd be rubbish at doing that thing where you fold up some note money and hand it over in the hand-shake. I'd shake the guys hand and come away with it still in my palm. Or I'll accidentally nick his watch, doing the very opposite of what I set out to. Scores of heads broke the law this year by demanding "donations" up to hundreds of pounds. My hands just aren't that big. I could probably palm about 60-quid. All the rule-breakers were church or foundation schools that can decide who to admit. I didn't realise the church liked the idea of paying for admission. Does that mean St Peter expects to be tipped?

California Style

The people in California certainly know how to look good. Well, most of them. Arnold Schwarzenegger is a bit of a question mark. Sure, he wears nice suits, but he has spent most of his life looking so beefy, seeing him pump iron makes me want to fetch the gravy. But apart from Mr. Schwarzenegger, California is known for its style. I mean, it's got Hollywood, for crying out loud. And all those celebrities, with their red carpet appearance and their constant presence in the tabloids, set a lot of the trends that so many follow. How many times have you seen a film and wanted to be a little like one of the characters? See, they are trend-setter. So, if you are interested in fashion, not just as a hobby, but if you want a career in it, you could learn your trade in one of the leading fashion capitals. You could go to a fashion school in California and learn from the best. You could get into the industry and maybe one day, design an outfit that doesn't make Arnold Schwarzenegger look like livestock. You can find details about the fashion schools in los angeles, or even fashion schools in California as a whole, on the website www.fashion-school-finder.com.

Britney To Get Pocket Money

So, Britney Spears' father is still in control of her assets and he will now be issuing her with 'pocket money'. He should give her a little extra, you know, enough to afford some pants. She'll have to get buy on $1,500-a-week. How will she cope! As soon as you take out the money for drink, law suits and haircuts, and she's not got a lot left. Her father, Jamie, has been aloud to issue her with a credit card. She'll be happy about that. It must have been taking her ages to chop up the snow by hand. Here's the detail.

Car Heaven, Car Hell

Where do cars go when they die? Is there a car heaven? The souls of out loved vehicles go to a place where they gets all the oil and waxing they could ever want, and get parking spaces with room for their doors to open without hitting the car next to them. You know, a car paradise. Or maybe the bad cars, the ones who cut you up and flash you when they want to get past, maybe they go to a car hell; damned to an eternity of kids with keys scratching them. Or is it more likely, that the car is just a soulless object and when it stops working it just stops. The body is left behind, lifeless and useless. Thankfully, there's a place that gives meaning to the existence of cars. Midwest Auto Recycling specializes in used engines and transmissions. So, while the car is no more, at least a bit of it can live on, giving joy to others. They recycled parts have one of the strongest warranties around, and The engines you can get from them come as a complete assembly. They are fully inspected. And the transmissions are fully test driven. And midwest auto recycling means less waste is being put into the environment. All that no only makes me want recycled car parts, it also makes me want to get a donor card.

Richard Hammond Beaten By A Girl

Top Gear's Richard Hammond will be crying in his soup. Not only has someone succeeded in setting the land speed record (the thing he was trying to do when he crashed and nearly died) but it's a girl. Blonde 19-year-old Amanda Shepherd raced the same rocket-like Top Fuel dragster driven by the TV star during his legendary crash, only she did it right. She did amazingly well given that she is the youngest competitor in her field. She reached 296mph in 4.96 seconds. Brilliant. It just goes to show that a woman can drive a car, not only as good, but better than a man. Of course, when she tried to park it...

Scared To Travel

One of the tricky things about going on holiday is the planning. Well, the planning and the packing, but if you have someone to sit on the case while you zip it, you'll be OK. So, that's leaves us with the planning. I must admit, I have probably had slightly duller holidays because I didn't want to face the challenge of planning the trip doing 'non-touristy' things. It seems easier to just do a cite break, get a phrase book and a restaurant guide, and make your way through it like that. Trying to get to see the 'real' side of a country is a great idea, but it is easy to be scared off it. After all, you don't want to be out of your depth. But I've found a website that provides a service that I've never seen before. And it's not even some corporate faceless thing, it's a very personalized site by a guy called Peter Knobel. It is at www.peterknobel.com and he has started this travel service where, if you are going to in Mexico, Panama, Brazil or other Central and South American countries, he will help you figure out the logistics of traveling. And this is not just for people on business trips, he will help the vacationers too. He's a bit of an old hand at this traveling business, as he'd been doing it for 20 years. And while Peter Knobel's website points out that he is available for lectures, it's clearly traveling that floats his boat. He knows what he's doing when he's trekking around. Check out the pictures of him with his shorts on, ready to go off the beaten path. It's great that someone can turn something he loves doing into a company that can help other people. I wish him all the best with it.

Suzanne Shaw To Win Dancing On Ice

I want Suzanne Shaw to win Dancing On Ice. She's brilliant out there on the ice. I interviewed her on the show once, and she was really nice, so she gets my vote. And she is also promoting a UK-wide search for Britain's favourite nursery rhyme for kids communication charity I CAN. OK, she has her downside too, like, she can't be too bright. Why would you think that Darren Day, the man who got his fingers wet with so many celeb totties, would be different with you? But other than that, I'm all for her. To promote the charity she has posed in a sexy photo... ...Hmm, it looks like she's been in a primary school's art lesson and got a bit out of hand. I can't wait for the next one, Suzanne Shaw naked apart from some macaroni pieces.

Cherish The Nerd

Today we learn to respect the nerd. It's a lesson that the whole world should learn and we would all be in a better place. For example, nerds give us specialists, and while you can look at a specialist and think, 'how can you devote your life to this', the fact that they do means we benefit from it. For example, Radiators.com. It's the largest radiator distributor in the US. You look at that and think, 'Radiators? Really? You spend your time becoming experts on the topic of car radiators? It's not even the sexiest bit of a car. It's the bit that stops it getting too warm. Like the teacher on a school trip, it tries its best to keep things running smoothly.' But, if you need a radiator, it's that level of nerdiness that you'll be looking for. They have a warehouse filled with over 60,000 different radiators and ac condensers, and they have them for every make and model. If you were on a visit there being showed this collection, you'd think it was duller than sitting through someone's holiday snaps. But if you need a Honda Radiator you'll be blessing the fact they exist. And that's why we should cherish the nerd. Where would we be without them? (I don't know, but we wouldn't be able to drive there without overheating.)

Britain's Got Talent's Paul Potts Quits

"Britain's Got Talent" winner Paul Potts has finally quit his job selling mobile phones. That's nine months after winning the show. Still, it's not the only Carphone Warehouse contract that's tricky to get out of. He was on extended leave as he toured the world performing to thousands, but was too scared to resign in case it had all been a dream. Dude, if it was a dream would it have had Simon Cowell in it? Sounds more like a nightmare where you wake up in a cold sweat. Paul said: "My wife and I still find it pretty hard to take it all in. Less than twelve months ago I was selling phones." And it's good news for Steve Brookstein; it means there's a job going he can apply for.

Happy Times

Are you happy? It's something that we all want, and we assume we do all we can to achieve it, but if you think about it, we don't really know what we're doing. We get taught how to drive, we get taught how to write, and even how to speak. But we don't get taught how to achieve happiness. There's a fascinating thing called the The Sedona Method. There's a book by Eckhart Tolle called "a new earth; Awaking to Your Life's True Purpose", and it's been getting a lot of attention all across the world. He writes about a concept called "ego consciousness". Concepts are all very well, but the Sedona Method is good as it makes Eckhart Tolle's Work more practical, and therefore more achievable. And while we all think that awareness is all good, asking questions like "Can you get out of now?" and "Is awareness happening now? Try to not be aware." Are challenging but answering them can lead to progression in the program. Being all too aware can mean you are driven by your ego, and that will hold you back. It's not like a new thing, it's been around for three decades, but with more and more people getting into it, and those people reporting great benefits, it does seem with a look at. At the website www.sedona.com you can get a free DVD and CD to find out more. Good luck getting happy.

Church of England: Good Sex Guide

The Church of England has written a saucy 'good sex guide' for their parishioners. Wow! How bad must you be at sex if you have to turn to god to get better? The handbook, called Growing Together, gives candid advice on married life and tells couples to talk about their "turn-ons and turn-offs". Well, turn-on: candle-lit meals, lacy outfits, high-heels. Turn-offs: Having the vicar at the foot of the bed taking notes. It says: "Sex, far from being naughty, is something holy and wonderful and something to be celebrated." Yeah, but it's more fun when it's naughty. One thing that could really kill off the sex appeal of sex is having religious things involved. Well, apart from the nun's outfit, we could work with that.

Shock To The Heart

This is a scary bit of news for those with heart problems. Some people who were fitted with a Medtronic Leads have had them recalled. You know when you see the product recalls in the newspapers and you think, "Oh, that must be annoying if you have bought that toy, or that chocolate bar." Well, imagine if the product that is being recalled is in your chest. These leads are faulty which can cause them to fracture, potentially causing a defibrillator to either fail (that's bad) or deliver unnecessary shocks (that's bad too). I imaging being told that thy fitted you with faulty goods is the biggest unnecessary shock of all. The people who have been affected by this should check out www.medtroniclegalaction.com because there you can learn about your legal rights. I hope they kept the receipts. It must be tricky trying to get your money back on that. "What do you mean, 'it's been used'? You put it in my chest!" These Medtronic Sprint Fidelis defibrillator leads are used o basically keep the heart going. It's that a shocker. The one group of people who don't need the stress of a court case are the people with dodgy hearts, and they're precisely the ones involved. But they can request a free legal consultation by visiting www.MedtronicLegalAction.com. You can also see www.youhaverights.com to see about a Medtronic Lawsuit.

BB's Nikki Grahame Outed

Here's a picture of Big Brother's Nikki Grahame being thrown out of a club. "You read the sign luv, over 18's only! That includes mental age." OK, maybe not. She was actually thrown out of Faces Nightclub in Essex for starting a fight with another woman. You're kidding. She's spent the past few years since being in Big Brother doing nothing of worth. She doesn't add anything to society and has been a total waste of (a very small amount of) space. And the one time she gives us some girl-on-girl wrestling, and they stop her!

Loan

If you have a business getting a Loan is a great way to develop your business further. Even if you don't have a business, a Business Loan could be a way of setting one up. I have some business ideas for you. Nose tack (TM) - This is like Blue Tack, but you put it up your nose and it sets. It then has all the hairs caught. You then pull it out and there you go, instant nose wax. That will save hours of nasal hair trimming. It will be an instant top seller. Or here's another. The thermo kettle (TM) - A thermos flask with a heating element. The stand has an induction coil they powers the element in the base of the flask. You heat it up, put the lid on and you're set for the whole day. And that's not just useful for when you're out of the house. It would be an energy saver too. You heat up the water once in the day, and you can use the hot water for the rest of the day without heating it up again. They were just two ideas I made up then in a few minutes. So if I can do it you can certainly come up with better and make it work with a loan and the right effort. So, you could get a Business Loans from www.americaoneunsecured.com. It's an easy to use website and they are the largest US loan broker, who offers unsecured personal loan and small business loan.

News from 27-November-1998 (UK)

Here's more from the archive of material I used to write years ago. I had a business writing for radio station (lord knows how when I read some of it) and I'm posting it on my blog because I don't want it to disappear with me. No hassle cash advance up to £750 Home News A 90ft high figure of a couple in a gentle embrace will form The Body, the centrepiece of the Millennium Dome. And like some other couples, they're struggling to get it up in time. British Telecom has won a £100million, 10-year contract to supply telephones for prison inmates. But what are they going to do if they don't pay the bills? You can't send them to prison if they're there already. Three giant pyramids filled with rubbish are to act as a landmark greeting visitors to a city. The rubbish mountains will be built on an existing landfill tip in Portsmouth. A huge useless building that's filled with rubbish, isn't that the Millennium Dome? Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell teamed up with Cabinet Minister Clare Short to back a campaign women's health during pregnancy. I can't wait till they release their single. A new laser treatment known as "magic wand", which its makers say cam make wrinkles disappear, has been launched in Britain. It's just one of those laser pointers. You use it to temporally blind every near you, and then tell them how much younger you look. A superbra that does not use wire or plastic has won a £31,000 government grant near Mansfield, Notts... ...Yeah right, no wire or plastic. Sounds like the Emperor's New Clothes. ...It doesn't need wire or plastic, it's got enough Government support. A rare 1920's vacuum cleaner found on a scrap heap in Swansea, fetched around £5,000 when it was sold at auction... ...Paying that much just for a vacuum cleaner, I think they'd be the suckers. ...It's one in a million, it's costs a lot and sucks like there's no tomorrow. Just like Monica Lewinsky. A missing pet snake called Ears turned up more than 180 miles away from its home in Hants, after a flight across the Irish Sea. They first called up a company that makes sausages and ice cream, because someone told them that Walls have Ears. The right, for the first time, to charge commuters for the privilege of driving to work in their cars was among the powers awarded to a directly elected mayor of London. Previously that had only been done by car park owners and clampers.

Recruiting Love

In many ways recruitment is like dating. We're all just trying to find the right people to pair up with. Take A.E. Feldman Associates, Inc. They have been in the recruiting field since the 60s and are skilled at matching people with the right employer. And in dating we would all like someone like that. In recruitment they have a reputation of discretion. If you were going to a company to find you a partner you'd want discretion too. Their recruiters have worked in the sector and been successful, using their extensive contacts to get results. And if you were using a company to find you a partner you'd want them to have been around a bit. They recruit in the areas including financial, communications and human resources. You'd want a partner who wasn't poor, can talk and is a human. See, my analogy is still holding strong. If you want to see more about their ability to pair you up with the right employees have a look at their accounting blog at blog.aefeldman.com But don't turn up wearing a red carnation expecting to get to first base on the first date. My analogy doesn't go that far.

Britney Has Stalker Trouble

So Britney Spears is being targeted by a stalker. Must've been at the back of the queue in the stalker shop when they get that project. It's not even much of a stalker's challenge, she's always out in public with an obvious pack of paparazzi with her. She's even sleeping with one of the. According to the paper she received letters and packages in the mail, some of which contained DIY bomb making instructions. Are you sure it's a stalker, and not some Al Qaeda recruitment scheme? It's not a bad idea. She has VIP access and no one would suspect her. They only thing is you'd never get her to wear an explosive vest under her top. And you know if you've seen "those" pictures of her on the web, she doesn't wear any under-garments. The source:

BMW Bits

It's true what they say; some people do love their car more than their partner. When you look at some of the nice cars out there, you don't blame them. Heck, when you look at some of the partners out there, you don't blame them either, but that's a different issue. If you have a nice BMW that you want to take care of, have a look at www.myhotbmw.com They do BMW Parts, and it's not just accessories, they do everything from air intakes to wheels (I couldn't think of any car parts that start with the letter X, Y or Z). It's a simple site to get round and has some great kit. So.... oh, xenon bulbs! That starts with an X.

News from 26-November-1998 (International)

Here's more from the archive of material I used to write years ago. I had a business writing for radio station (lord knows how when I read some of it) and I'm posting it on my blog because I don't want it to disappear with me. No hassle cash advance up to £750 International News Kylie Minogue has been dropped by her record label Deconstruction after her last album became the latest in a succession of flops. It was to be expected. When women reach that age things start to flop. Cher has said that her new album is "good to clean your apartment by". Or does she mean "with"? An Alaska boy has been fined after he confessed to shooting a pair of locally celebrated, federally protected trumpeter swans. Obviously he doesn't like jazz. When the German government moves lock, stock and barrel from Bonn to Berlin next year, there is one item ministers will not be able to carry with them, the 18 kilometres of nuclear bunker, hollowed 100 metres into a mountain in the Ahr valley. I'm sure a golf course somewhere will buy it. Palestinian prisoners in Israeli jails have started a hunger strike in protest against Israel's failure to free them under the new peace deal. "Fatah prisoners in Megiddo prison have started an open-ended hunger strike. They won't be getting any Fatah for a while. George Tarlington, an Australian veteran hit by a Japanese machine-gunner in World War II has had the bullet removed from his lung, 56 years after he was shot. So the hospital waiting lists are a problem there too. A magistrate has ordered an Australian man to pay more than A$2,600 (£1,000) for phone sex calls made from a neighbour's house... ...But how much will he have to pay for the Stain Devil used? ...At least he wasn't coveting his neighbour's wife. A Japanese whaling factory ship, the Nisshin Maru, has been crippled by fire and is drifting without power off the east coast of Australia. I disagree with commercial whaling, I hate it when people cry in adverts. Someone said to me the other day: "What's the connection between Monica Lewinsky and Saddam Hussein? They both made Bill Clinton launch his big rocket."

More Business

I know, I know. It's a long time till the business I've set up with a partner needs its own office space, but I can dream can't I? I do seem to spend time thinking about the kind of office I would have. I've been looking at www.intercounty.com to make my plans. Firstly, if I'm in charge I'd have some of their office storage. Scratch that, I'd have loads of office storage. The place I work at at the moment has files all over the place. And if you can't keep the office neat and tidy you'll let the whole business get away from you. So, I would have the place with plenty of filing cabinets, but no the grey metal ones. If you're having so many you need a nice warm and relaxing texture and colour. So I'd go for wooden filing cabinets. I don't think you need metal unless the things you're putting in there need to be more secure. So I would have lockers. Other things I have decided since looking at www.intercounty.com include, all the chairs in the office should have arms (the workers need to feel special), and for heavens sake, get some desk-tidies. Ooooh, I can't wait till we get office space.

News from 26-November-1998 (UK)

Here's more from the archive of material I used to write years ago. I had a business writing for radio station (lord knows how when I read some of it) and I'm posting it on my blog because I don't want it to disappear with me. No hassle cash advance up to £750 Home News Jane Couch, Britain's first official female boxer, won her fight against her German opponent, in a London nightclub. It's not the first time I've seen two women fight in a nightclub, but this time it didn't involve handbags. The Lords have overturned the ruling that General Pinochet has immunity. Does that mean they stopped him having a flu jab? Sir Elton John has signed Helena Bonham-Carter to appear in his production company's first feature film. Apparently he's prone to Bonham. A common drug to protect those thought to be at risk from developing the human form of mad cow disease is being considered by the Government. I think they should add it to gravy. Carol Smilley has won the Rear of the Year award... ...The trouble is she wears it on her head. ...I wonder if she'll show it us on the next Changing Rooms programme. Soccer star David Beckham has been photographed in the papers with a beard. He grew the facial hair so he could have more in common with his fiancée. Revolutionary solar-powered cat's eyes that can be seen by drivers up to 900 yards away are to be introduced in the UK in weeks, it has been announced. "Solar-powered", that'll be no good a night. Posters for Mariah Carey's new album feature a picture of her, showing her long legs in full glory. Fans are going crazy, and the posters keep getting ripped off wherever they are put up. This is justice really; at £14.99 a CD, Mariah's been ripping fans off for years. House prices have risen this year even though the number of sales has fallen, according to the latest quarterly survey by the Land Registry. That's not surprising, if they cost more of course fewer people will buy. Dyslexic teenager Ben Way, described at school as unteachable, has clinched a multi-million pound deal for his booming computer business. He was said to be feeling "ferry plosed". A report has said that prisoners have been getting drugs into jail using paper planes. Well, that's what they use at school to make you do lines. Only 20% of Scots think the work of the Millennium Commission will benefit them, a Mori poll revealed. And the other 80% are right.

It's A Jem

As a fully trained chemist there are some bits of natural science that I love. But one is that Cubic Zirconia looks just like Diamond, yet a lot of people still stress about getting real diamond. If we're talking about things you wear to 'look' good it's what they 'look' like that's the biggest issue, so if it 'looks' like diamond, it's as good. Unless you hang round with people who have x-ray defractometers, or you plan on cutting some glass, I don't see the point. Have a look at the range of Ziamond cubic zirconia jewelry at Ziamond.com They do cubic Zirconia set in gold or platinum, and it looks a lot better than cubic zirconia did in the old days. Like this... But you'll have to really see for yourself. All the Ziamond gems can be cleaned in the same way you would diamond jewellery. If you have something special in mind you can fax them the specifications and they will work on it. So you can have a stunning collection of jewellery that looks like diamond but won't cost you the Earth. And it will stop from you trying to break through glass if you get the uege, and that's a bonus too.

News from 25-November-1998 (International)

Here's more from the archive of material I used to write years ago. I had a business writing for radio station (lord knows how when I read some of it) and I'm posting it on my blog because I don't want it to disappear with me. No hassle cash advance up to £750 International News Civil defence authorities evacuated four villages threatened by an eruption of Mexico's "Volcano of Fire". "Volcano of Fire" isn't that one of the spicier Mexican dishes? A Chinese doctor tried acupuncture and goldfish in his surgery and was delighted to find it cured all it's problems. When I tried that it didn't save my goldfish but we have a lovely shish kebab. Attorney General Janet Reno has decided not to seek an independent counsel to probe alleged political fund-raising abuses by Vice President Al Gore. Someone should tell him that being Vice President doesn't mean you're the President of vice. Basketball bad boy Dennis Rodman has filed annulment papers in California to end his nine-day marriage to Baywatch actress Carmen Electra. Not even a divorce. An annulment! That's like having the wedding reception and not eating the cake. Investigators are probing if the impotence drug Viagra caused the plane crash that killed actor William Gardner Knight by impairing his vision. For it to get in your line of vision it must be rather big. Millions of bald men had their prayers answered as scientists said they had discovered the secret of hair growth. Researchers at the University of Chicago in America have identified a molecule that switches on the formation of hair follicles in mice. Yeah, but when was the last time you saw a mouse with a comb over? New warnings about the possible heart risks of taking Viagra have been added to the drug's label, the US Food and Drug Administration said. If you haven't done it in ages the shock you kill you. Marilyn Monroe has topped the list of Playboy magazine's 100 sexiest female stars. Urgh! That's sick. She's dead! Thousands of unknown galaxies have been revealed by the giant Hubble space telescope, say scientists. It spotted a distant chocolate vending machine.

Upset Stomach?

Have you ever lost weight? How did you do it? If it was through a change in diet, did you then find that your diet changed back and you regained all the weight? If so, don't panic, you're not a freak. 95% of all dieters do that. And the biggest cause of diet failure is emotional eating. Food is meant to be a way to get nutrients into the body, a bit like an IV. But having a needle in the arm doesn't feel great. However, eating a whole slab of chocolate does make you feel good, and that's where the problem lies. So, it's your emotional needs, and not your poor will power, that eventually ruins the diet. It's more about looking at why you eat, and not simple what you eat or how much. There's a website with more info on this. It's www.ShrinkYourself.com, and there you will get an interactive session and a fully personalised emotional eating report.

News from 25-November-1998 (UK)

Here's more from the archive of material I used to write years ago. I had a business writing for radio station (lord knows how when I read some of it) and I'm posting it on my blog because I don't want it to disappear with me. No hassle cash advance up to £750 Home News Singer Louise has come face to face with her wax double in a rock and roll hall of fame. People who have seen it said that they were struck by how lifeless and false it seemed, and the same goes for the dummy. The Government will introduce at least 22 Bills during the new session of Parliament, 17 of them outlined in the Queen's Speech this morning. There's the bill for expenses, the bill for travel... Model Caprice has split up with her boyfriend. Looks like the roads clear for me! Coronation Street star Tracy Shaw is planning to play the field, only six weeks after dumping her fiancé Darren Day. It'll never work, field are often filled with cows but never with stallions. Steve Jones, from the West Midlands, blew up his sister's house after his smouldering fag ignited a can of deodorant. Doesn't sound like long lasting protection to me. Actor Jerome Flynn has been signed up to a play Bobby Charlton in a new £10million movie about George Best. With a shaver and some pieces of string he could perfect the comb over. Keen amateur actor Alan Williams drove 4,000 miles to rehearsals for a play as his firm moved him around Britain. When he was at school his drama teacher always said he'd go a long way. The Government is planning to give private security firms the power to arrest people in a controversial move that has alarmed court officials. I remember being detained in a desert and pudding factory. They held me in custard-y. Alistair Liddle a Scottish lawyer who disappeared last year, leaving behind his wife, has been found working under a false name as a flower picker in Cornwall. I can blame him for running away. Working in law you often get pressure from your briefs. The left-wing journalist Paul Foot is to run as an independent candidate for the mayor of London in protest at Labour plans to block Ken Livingstone from getting the job. "Left-wing journalist Paul Foot", does that make him a left foot?

The Future Looks Good

In the olden days no one had plastic surgery. About a decade ago we heard of a fair few people having plastic surgery. These days it's a lot more. So we can project forward to the future and say that by the time the Jetsons are around most people will have some for of cosmetic surgery. And why not? Some people seem to have an odd opinion of cosmetic surgery, as if in some way it is cheating. But it works. It makes people look good, and we all benefit from that. Plus the people who have the work done do it to change something about themselves for the better, which is something that surely should be valued in a person. Plus, if it makes them feel better about themselves it has served a very good purpose. Have a look at www.rdps.com to see about Beverly Hills breast augmentation. They have offices and a surgery center built to provide superb care for the plastic surgery patients. They are on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills, so if you are in the market for cosmetic surgery travel, that would be a great destination. You hear a lot of horror stories from people who have travelled to some Eastern European country to have plastic surgery on the cheep. They get the work but sometimes the after care is so bad they have to travel home before they should and if things go wrong it's them up to their own doctors to try and fix it. Whereas california cosmetic surgeons are the experts. They pay attention to providing outstanding service. They have been mentioned on the TV show Access Hollywood, and in magazines like Elle, Fortune and The Wall Street Journal. Why, even in little old Britain the Daily Mail ran a piece on them. So in the future, when everyone is having plastic surgery, if it's all done like that, the world will be looking goooooood.

News from 24-November-1998 (International)

Here's more from the archive of material I used to write years ago. I had a business writing for radio station (lord knows how when I read some of it) and I'm posting it on my blog because I don't want it to disappear with me. No hassle cash advance up to £750 International News American scientists have proved that organic farming can help reduce global warming. I don't know, if you eat loads of home grown brussles you'll contribute plenty of greenhouse gases. Dead German Wolfgang Dircks sat in front of his TV set for five years, the lights on his Christmas tree flashing beside him, and none of his neighbours noticed. Sitting in front of a TV doing nothing, sounds like heaven to me. An internal Microsoft memo released at the software giant's antitrust trial showed the company has considered charging an annual fee to computer users for its Windows operating system starting in 2001. If they do that I won't have Windows on my computer, I'll have them boarded up. Star Trek's first female captain, Kathryn Janeway, played by Kate Mulgrew, is quitting the show. She said, "I want to get back into the theatre." Well, if she was half way through an operation you can't blame her. A newly divorced woman enjoying a romantic dinner with her new love at an Australian hotel looked up to find the violinist serenading them was her ex-husband. It's not the first time he's fiddled with her. An explosion occurred at an illegal fireworks factory in central China's Henan province. Looks like things are really taking off for them. Cindy Crawford has launched her own Internet site to counter fan Web pages that present unpleasant images and report false information about her. So there's no point going there then. (A link is at www.biogate.com/newslink) American space agency NASA has developed a solar-powered lightweight plane that doesn't need a pilot or fuel. I made one of those out of paper when I was about 6.

The Web Has Everything

Ain't the internet an amazing thing? It has everything a human could need. Let's run through the day. Morning newspaper: Just read it on the web, and it saves you the paper. Things like sun.co.uk will do. Getting to work: You can order a taxi over the web and you can check to see if you bus is running late. Google them. Or don't go to work: Yes, you can use the internet to connect with your PC at work, which saves you even going in. GoToMyPC.com is one of them. Take a break: You could watch TV, but you're not neat a TV. Then you can watch on the BBC iPlayer. Back to work: Just work from home using email. And if you have to make some phone calls, Skype. Lunch time: We normally have to go to the bank in our lunch break, and you can do that, natwest.com for example. Work again: Nah, you've worked enough. Go shopping. You deserve some 'you' time. There are loads of shopping sites, like kelko.com Dinner time: Order a pizza on the web. But no one likes to be lonely while they eat, so chat with friends on messenger. In the evening: You can watch more TV, relax by listening to music. You see, everything you need. Well, OK. At night there might be something you get the urge for. For that you'd need the Selina 18 Videos, from Selina 18-videos.com. And after the Selina 18 site, I'm sure you can order tissues online.

News from 24-November-1998 (UK)

Here's more from the archive of material I used to write years ago. I had a business writing for radio station (lord knows how when I read some of it) and I'm posting it on my blog because I don't want it to disappear with me. No hassle cash advance up to £750 Home News According to a new survey many people would rather start the day with bacon butty than sex... ...Lean back? I've never tried that position. ...Well, it lasts longer. Gina Cox, who won £1.6million on the lottery, has enticed her best friend's man to leave her pal and become her lover. Money can't buy you love, but it gives you a good deposit. Police in Derbyshire want to give disposable cameras to pensioners so they can photograph conmen who try to rob them. I predict an increase in camera theft. The risk of getting brain damage from heading footballs is being investigated by researchers. With examples like Gazza and Vinnie Jones it's not looking good. Chancellor Gordon Brown has warned Britain will veto any moves towards tax harmonisation across Europe. Would that mean that barber shop quartets would have to pay more? American opera diva Jessye Norman lost a libel action over a quip about her weight and was ticked off by a British judge for lacking a sense of humour. She said it ain't over. Well, she didn't sing. Susan Marshall, a barrister who claimed she lost her job as a crown prosecutor when she announced she was changing sex, has settled her discrimination claim. I bet she's got confused briefs. Mel Blatt of All Saints has given birth daughter Lila Ella by Caesarean section. Not by Stuart Zender as previously reported then? An art class run by teacher Jerry Holden couldn't afford to hire a nude model, so they sketched a piglet from a nearby farm in Basingstoke... ...Well, they still got to check out some nice chops. ...The only difference is they had to draw a "curly" tail. Milly Jones, from Wiltshire, had her daughter Petra on Friday 13th in October 1995 and then her son Timothy on Friday 13th this month. But it's when she'll have to deal with two teenage children that she'll be unlucky. The science of botany has been turned upside down by a new classification of the world's flowering plants and trees based on their DNA rather than their appearance. But don't worry, roses are still red and violets are still blue. The system of "egg sharing" for women trying to conceive through IVF treatment, the recipient of the treatment donate eggs, may be banned health experts have said. There's a big demand for eggs, all because of Delia Smith apparently. Ex-prisoner Glen Fielding has been given the right to challenge a refusal for condoms to be made freely available in jail. I've always said that when it comes to prisons we should try to make the screws safer. The worldwide ban on British beef exports, estimated to have cost the meat industry around £4billion, has been lifted by EU governments. Good news for the farmer, not so good for the cattle. Millions of contraband cigarettes and thousands of litres of spirits were seized by customs officers close to the south Armagh border. They're in for a good Christmas then. Timothy the tortoise, almost certain to be the country's oldest pet at 186, has seen the stately home he inhabits, Powderham Castle, pass to a new generation for the seventh time. An in all that time he's moved from the kitchen to the drawing room.

Make It Fair

There is so much in life that isn't fair, but when you read about people who are caught up in car accidents and it isn't their fault, you really have to feel sorry for them. Those accidents can leave them unable to work and think of the money they'll need. There's a personal injury lawer in Omaha at www.demerathlawoffice.com The attorney is Larry R. Demerath, and he has experience working on cases involving vehicle accidents from dirt bikes to semi trucks, farm accidents and even workplace accidents. So, if you have been involved in a situation like that you could use this as a way to get what should be rightfully yours.

Musical Interlude: Mystery Jets - Young Love

Recently I've been posting the musical interludes because the artists have been mentioned in the news, but this one is just for the music. One of the news songs we've added to he playlist at work is this one. They're a five-piece band from Twickenham (Boy, must've been tough growing up on the mean streets of Twickers.) This song features Laura Marling, who is a British singer from Reading, Berkshire (must've been tough growing up on the mean streets of Reading. No really, there's a risk you could get lost and end up in Slough, so, risky). Have a listen.

Monetize Time

Everyone these days wants to monetize their blog or website, and I say fair play. It's the least you should expect for the hard work you put in, to get a little spending money out. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do. You don't want to have to design your own online shop, you want something that can add some money value to what you do. If you want to get into the monetizing way, have a look at the Happar M.E site www.happar.com The Happar M.E system will build your site and then it drives traffic to it. It's all about being simple. And speaking as a man who's just spent weeks setting up a new site and fiddling with IP addresses, DNS derails and CNAME whatevers, I can tell you that simple is good. Within minutes you could have a site up and running. Then as the traffic comes to your site you can earn money. And if you sign up as an affiliate you can earn money that way too.

News from 23-November-1998 (International)

Here's more from the archive of material I used to write years ago. I had a business writing for radio station (lord knows how when I read some of it) and I'm posting it on my blog because I don't want it to disappear with me. No hassle cash advance up to £750 International News Romeos will grab as many girls' phone number as possible within ten minutes in a contest to find the World's Biggest Flirt, in California next month. Whenever I flirt I just get the STDs. Nearly 50 naked customers fled onto ice-cold streets in Austria when a fire ripped through a sex club... ...The fire crews felt inadequate when they saw so many hoses and choppers. ...They were all moved away from the building when they saw some cracks starting to show. A new book on Monica Lewinsky's sexual affair with US President Bill Clinton will be published directly on the Internet today. The benefit if it being on the Internet is that the pages can't get stuck together. An Australian woman has been granted a divorce because she cannot cope with being ridiculed about her name, Pauline Rottenbottom. I know, isn't it stupid..."Pauline!" A hi-tech shirt with built-in electronic thread has been designed by American scientists to monitor the wearer's health. I've already got something that clings on and always warns about my health, it's my mother. Gary Earle hopes scientists will one day bring his dad back from the dead, so he's keeping his body in a specially designed coffee table. Doctors say the can bring him back but they can't do anything about the little cup stains. Peter Wallis, from New Mexico, is suing his girlfriend for having his baby without asking him first. He's accusing her of breach of contract, fraud and steeling his property. She might get away with it, it might not be his. Scientists, sponsored by the US military, have developed an "electronic neuron" that could in a decade lead to robots able to mimic the decision-making processes of the human brain, and so become autonomous machines. So, when it comes to decision making it will be able to go "erm, oh, eerrm..." just like humans. You've got to feel sorry for Boris Yeltsin, his health is failing and now his political career is hanging by a thread. And he never even went near Monica Lewinsky. Nine Virginia firemen were charged with setting fire to rubbish bins, hay bales and empty buildings in a bid to get more funding for their departments. In this country the firemen strike, over there they strike matches.

An Idea For Robbie

Poor old Robbie Williams. He seems to have everything; the money, the looks, the voice, the life in LA, and the beard it would seem. But the on thing he just can't get is the woman. So, Robbie, if you're reading this, and why wouldn't you be (come on we all Google our own names), it's time to think about Russian women. Get yourself along to the LoversPlanet website, www.loversplanet.com and A lot of Russian and Ukraine women want to find love and marriage elsewhere. And you never know, they might not even have heard of him so they could get to know him on the internet just as two normal people. And with any luck he could find lobe, and maybe get rid of that beard.

News from 23-November-1998 (UK)

Here's more from the archive of material I used to write years ago. I had a business writing for radio station (lord knows how when I read some of it) and I'm posting it on my blog because I don't want it to disappear with me. Home News The papers have been filled with stories about Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall's marriage being on the rocks because of the long string of affairs Mick has had with other women in the fashion business... ...He was just trying to trade her in for a newer model. ...That's why can't he get no satisfaction. Patsy Palmer, who pays EastEnders' Bianca, says she has quit the show for love. She wouldn't do it for money. Well, I kept sending the cheques. Patsy Kensit ha apparently had a secret boob job. What does she want one of those for? She's already married to a big t... In the news there's the sad story of Louise Smith who lost her virginity at 9, took heroin at 10, and was a hooker at 12... ...Busy day. ...The people who live at 13 are ready and waiting. Former Coronation Street star Tina Hobley has pulled out of panto because she's pregnant. That "He's behind you" warning is a bit too late. Lawyer Adrian Jackman is being investigated by police in a £1million fraud probe. Isn't that a car? Council chiefs in Erewash, Derbyshire, dropped artificial snow over the town centre to attract move Christmas shoppers. And I bet the lights are to be turned on by Richard Bacon. A TV ad in which a hen-pecked husband roasts his nagging wife on a barbecue has been banned. I agree, I think it's terrible, barbecues add to global warming. Fugitive Aaron Hughes got a job as a cleaner in Leicester Crown Court, where a judge issued a warrant for his arrest. At least he's cleaned up his act. Posters of Kylie Minogue in skimpy undies will be all over Britain next month. But it's the magazine version of the ad that's life-sized. A new study shows that dairy farming took place in ancient Britain, according to researches. What probably happened was that someone threw some milk bottles in an archaeological burial ground. Girls worry more than boys, according to a new survey, and their appearance is what bothers them most. That may well be true but I wouldn't worry about it. Have you noticed the change in the weather recently? Well, winter draws on...if they still fit, that is. Oxford University students are being targeted as sperm donors with adverts offering £12.50 a time in their newspaper... ...It must be nice to turn a hobby into a profession. ...Do they really need the money, I thought they could hold their own. Three bungling heroin smugglers were jailed for a total of 47 years after their truck was too high to get into a tunnel. I bet it wasn't only the truck that was high. Women in Cornwall are being warned not to get pregnant this month in case they end up giving birth during next year's solar eclipse. Doctors fear there will be so many people in the southwestern English county next August to watch the rare total eclipse that women in labour will not be able to get to the hospital through the traffic-clogged roads. It's not normally the "Earth's" cycle that stops sex. The House of Lords said it would make its ruling on the extradition of former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet next Wednesday, his 83rd birthday. I wonder if they'll wrap it for him. People who make hand gestures when they talk cannot help it, according to scientists who have found that gestures are an integral part of speech. So, if you injure your shoulder see a speech therapist. Rodney Ledward, the gynaecologist at the centre of one of Britain's worst medical scandals, was in charge of monitoring his own performance, ensuring his failures remained uncovered for years... ...He was always a hands on kind of guy. ...Now he's been found out he says he'll still be keeping his hand in. Pop group Steps say they are broke, despite having sold over a million singles in the UK. "Young, talented and broke." Well, two out of three ain't bad. Former Welsh Secretary Ron Davies refused to rule himself out as a future leader of the Welsh Assembly. He's getting a lot of support, many people are getting behind him.

Phones

For those of you who know me (or who saw my little journey off the script at the recent Cambridge gig I did) I'm a bit of a nerd... and proud! I was doing my stand-up set when I found three people in the audience who were doing science degrees. We then went into a rant about quantum mechanics. Not the standard topic for the average stand-up gig, but I think it worked. Another symptom of my nerdishness is the mobile phone I use. I have to have a really technically advanced one. The one I have at the moment I can type on a full-sized keyboard which is handy for all the writing I do. But while nerdishly researching more phones I came across the Motorola MC70 at www.barcodesinc.com The motorola mc70 hand held computer is sweet. It has WAN/LAN/PAN and Bluetooth connectivity. And look at this, a 1D Laser Scanner/2D Imager. Sweet! It also runs a Windows Mobile 5.0 operating system. It's far better than the first desktop PC I had. And all the other nerds out there are getting exited too.

Crufts Winner Philippe Is Big Hit

The big result from Crufts is that a giant schnauzer called Philippe has been named best in show. Judge Clare Coxall said the pedigree, who has made it to the finals twice before, had "sold himself to her". Well, that makes him sound like a dog-whore. Owner Kevin Cullen, of St Leonards, East Sussex, said his dog had never let him down. "I cannot believe it. It means the world to me," he said. Man, that Kevin is in for a good year. He'll be popular with the ladies. For one, we all know having a dog is a great way to meet women. You take it to the park, the women stroke the dog and you get to talk to them. But also, he's the only man who can say the sentence, "Hi. I've got a giant schnauzer. Oh yeah, it's won awards!" More on Crufts...

Business Loans

I've written about Business Loans in the past and that means I do get the odd email asking for advice. And sometimes I get emails from people who have advice for me. Like one email I got was from a guy who took out some Business Loans but found he was charged more than he thought because all the extras they slap on at the start. So I have done some research and found that afsloansonline.com do Business Loans where there is no application fee and no hidden charges. And with a 24-48 hour approval window, you can apply online today in a safe & secure way to get an unsecured business loans that range in size from $10K - $150K. Hope that's useful info.

Musical Interlude: Girls Aloud - Can't Speak French

Time for another little musical break, and it's nice to be hearing things about Girls Aloud that aren't just about Cheryl and Ashleys marriage problems. So, for your entertainment, is the video to their new song, Can't Speak French. And it's a good job that Cheryl can't speak French, or she's be upset when Ashley says... "J'ai eu des relations sexuelles avec un salon de coiffure. Très bon!"

Ah, Memories

Wouldn't it be great if your brain worked more like a computer? If you can't remember a bit of info, press F3 and do a keyword search. If you're about to have a mental breakdown, just press control-alt-delete. And if you can't focus on something just upgrade your memory. That's the best thing about PCs, you can easily upgrade the memory, if you don't really know what you're doing inside the machine, and it really helps the performance. I recently upgraded the memory in the main PC at home; and nearly trebled it, and now I can edit audio like you wouldn't believe. The other good thing about upgrading your Computer Memory is that you can get some good Computer Memory Deals at the moment. At memorydeal.net they have genuine factory original modules, which are of the same quality that places like HP & Dell specify. That means you would be upgrading to exactly the same standard memory they the machine was built to have. Having extra memory is good, but it has to be good quality memory, because if something starts to go wrong in your PC's memory you'll be having crashes all the time. So, to Get a Deal on Memory have a look at www.memorydeal.net Oh, and if your brain was more like a PC, and you wanted to back up things to a DVD, where would you have to shove it?

Girls Aloud Girl Say 'No' To Marriage

Girls Aloud's Nicola Roberts (aka the ginger one, like H from CSI: Miami) is refusing to get married as she is convinced it will end in divorce. Doesn't she realise if it does end in divorce she gets a house and a lot of money? Someone send in Heather Mills to give her a crash course. Nicola has been dating businessman Carl Davies for almost 18 months, says she is in no hurry to tie the knot because she has seen many young people's marriages fail. Do you think while she was giving this interview she was nodding towards Cheryl Cole? Maybe even coughing and shouting "Cheryl!" at the same time. She said: "When I get married, I want to really know myself and be really mature about the situation." She doesn't know it yet, but the translation for what she's just said is... "When I get married, I want to really know myself..." = "I'll know I want babies..." "...and be really mature about the situation." = "...but realise time is running out." Ah, time, the great killer of ideals.

LifeLock

The talk of the town is still LifeLock. It's not just about protecting yourself against big, massive, totally wipe out all your savings, identity theft, it's about keeping your details more secure which has other benefits too. With LiftLock you can keep your details away from the junk mail companies, so you don't have to fight your way to your post box in the morning. You get the LifeLock $1 million guarantee, which means you are protected up to that amount. And if you have more money than that in the bank you can look after yourself. You also get free credit reports, so you can check the health of your credit status. It seems these days your credit status is the biggest thing in your life. Without a good credit rating you can't get anything, so you don't want someone borrowing in your name and ruining your credit. Plus, to see how healthy your identity security is there is an identity theft quiz you can do at the website www.idtheftquiz.org. I know, it's not as much fun as a sudoku, but the results are more useful. They also have LifeLock Promotion Codes. With a LifeLock Promo Code you can get a discount on the price.

Amy Winehouse Gets Fit

Here's something I never thought I'd read, Amy Winehouse is getting fit. She has bought a £7,000 Power Plate. And let's be honest, she's so skinny, it's probably the only plate she uses. She has one of these vibrating 'Miracle Machines', which you stand on for 15 minutes and it tones you up. No wonder she was shaking so much at her Brit's performance, she must've been on it then. I guess we're still a long way off from the Amy Winehouse fitness DVD. "A guided workout where singer Amy shows you her secret to staying thin... doing crack!" But good luck to her with her new Power Plate. Still, with her husband locked up in prison it was only a matter of time before she bought something that vibrates. P.S. Amy might be getting healthy but it's a miracle she didn't end up in hospital after this...

Who'd Nick His Identity

A while back TV presenter and writer Jeremy Clarkson wrote in a newspaper that we have nothing to fear from identity theft. To prove his contentious point he printed is bank account number and sort code in his newspaper column. His point was that out bank details are actually written on cheques and you give those out. He said that without proper authorisation no one could use those details to steal your identity. A few months later he had to write another column saying he was wrong. Someone had taken his details and set up a bank transfer removing money from his account. They had set it up to pay £50 to a charity, but they could've set it up to pay all his money it their own accounts, and then his sorry would've been bigger. A story like that makes you think, you need something to protect against identity theft. You can get LiftLock, and if you get a LifeLock.com Promotion Code you won't have to pay the full amount. You can get LifeLock Promotion Codes from www.lifelockpromotionalcode.net, they have the LifeLock Promo Code RD11; that's the one that gives 30 days free and a 17.5% annual discount.

Don't Try And Pull Duffy

Duffy said she went solo because all the blokes she worked with kept trying to pull her. They why not go and join someone like Girls Aloud? They won't try to pull you, and if they do... headlines! Duffy said: "I was collaborating with a lot of people. But every band I got into it was like I had a boyfriend. Every producer wanted to marry me or wanted to be in a duet." So, going solo was a valid option to still men trying to pull you. And it's better than Amy Winehouse's answer, become a dirty skank who looks like she could be a 'carrier' of anything but Moulton Brown. Still, each to their own.

Cars Are Like...

They always say that a car for a man is actually an extension to his "erm, cough, cough". I suppose it kind of makes sense. We do enjoy giving it a good clean on the weekend. It feels good when you get it parked in a tight space. And sometimes you just like to drive down the High Street showing it off. OK, maybe that last one is just for the car. But getting the car in the first place can be tricky. You've got to get a good one or you won't want to be able to show it off on the High Street (the car, remember). But you don't want to spend all your money or you won't be able to get anyone to ride (in the car, but the analogy is gaining mass all the time here). The solution, of course, is to get auto loans. They way you can get a car you're proud of without breaking the bank. The website www.getthebestautoloan.com is a site that specialises in information about loans to buy a car. Have a look at the blog on the site. For warned is for armed, and the more you can find out about borrow for get your wheels, the better deal you'll eventually get. And then you can proudly show it off on the High Street. And the car.

Don't Sack Sex-Film Teacher [*]

Following on from the previous post about [*], the teaching assistant who was caught starring in some porn film, I say maybe we should go easy on her. The school she works for, [*] in [*], has children aged 11 to 18. If you're between 11 and 16 you shouldn't even know about things like that, and if you're 16 to 18, so you're seeing pictures of a teaching assistant naked. So what? I can pretty much guaranty you that most male students between the age of 16 and 18 have imagined their teaching assistant nude. At least that's what we did in my sex crazy day. As the newspaper article told us: "Brunette [*], 31, faces the axe after pupils found dozens of saucy pictures of her on the internet." So, these days the students don't have to just imagine, they Google for the names of their teaching assistants with the phrase "nude" and see what they get. Young folk today, they don't know they're born. A school insider said headmaster [*] was "furious" and had confronted [*]. He gave her a right dressing down. But judging by her photos she's used to that. (Ba-dum-tssh!) Why should he be furious? Did she not mention it when the staff were working on their talent show? One teacher, who did not want to be named, said: "It's a shame because [*] is popular. But you can't have her teaching children when they've got naked pictures of her on their mobiles." Why not? Last year [*] had its best ever GCSE and SATs results. If anything this whole case not only proved that having porn stars as teachers doesn't adversely affect the grades, it seems to have helped them. And I bet it nailed the truancy issue. So, I say to Ofsted, find it in the budget to have someone who's willing to strip in every classroom. After all there's nothing more important that education, education, education... and boobies. [*] = Details removed on request, because [*] sent me an email, and she seems like the nicest person, so of course I'll do what she asked.

LifeLock Review

Every so often, something comes along that everyone is talking about. Now, if you miss out on finding out what that thing is right at the start, you will never find out. You have to pretend you know what people are talking about so you don't look like some kind of social misfit. I must confess, I was like that with High School Musical. It totally wasn't on my radar, and then people start talking about it in the media, at work, and when people reference it in a joke, I just had to laugh a long trying to blend in. You could also be having the same problem with LifeLock. For those who know what it is, you're fine. If people mention it you know what they're talking about. I don't suppose many people have put it in a gag, but if they did you could laugh along if you found it funny. But if you don't know what it is, LifeLock sounds like something you have round you neck while your dominatrix keeps the key. Well, don't worry, it's not. If you want to find our about it have a read of the Life Lock Reviews at www.idtheftquiz.org. The actually LifeLock Reviews are on the blog on that site. And when you have read a LifeLock Review, you will know all you need to know. Right, now I'm off to Google High School Musical. Wish me look.

Teacher Caught In Naughty Films

Shocking news today, a teacher at one of Britain's most successful schools has been exposed as a star of erotic films. It says in the paper, "[*] faces the axe after pupils found dozens of saucy pictures of her on the internet. She was rumbled by her students at [*] School in [*] – which caters for children aged 11 to 18." Well, what did she expect? She works with teenage boys, and I doubt there's a demographic that spends as long looking for porn on the web. In one set of snaps the teaching assistant is seen romping with a man and two other women. That's a great way to teach maths. "If I'm in bed with one man and two woman, and we're all swinging both ways, how many combinations of kisses will take place?" The answer, by the way, is 12. For any given romp where a kiss takes place between two people, and they're all willing to have a go, the answer is n!/2, that's n factorial divided by 2, where n is the number of rompers. And they say you won't use A-level maths in real life, pah! So she'd be good at teaching maths. And as for teaching biology... P.S. Make sure you read the comments about the sexual maths on this post, we've just had a cracker. Music to my maths ears. [*] = Details removed by request

Carry On Camping

There are two things in life that are great, and no one can dispute it. Nature and science. Nature, oh it's all green things and trees and somehow manages to relax you, on some 'cave man within' level. But, oh science. It's all clever and can probably be used to produce heat and stuff. I'm a big fan of both, and the point where these two meet is... Camp stoves. Whenever I have been camping it's the cooking that's the best bit. You sit there, surrounded by the very relaxing nature, and you use some science to sort out of the food, and thereby show just how you're better than the animals in that wood. One camp stove that's been getting great reviews is the Woodgas Camp Stove XL. It has a unique new biomass fuel (see, that's the science I mentioned) which manes it environmentally friendly as it uses the 'free' fuels that nature provides (see, that's the nature I mentioned). If you're heading out camping and you want to make sure you really enjoy it, have a look at www.woodgas-stove.com

Rebecca Loos(es Weight)

The News of the World today has exclusive pictures of Rebecca Loos, and I must say she is looking very attractive. I know I've not been a fan of hers in the past, but she certainly is good looking. The paper said, after being on a reality TV show in Spain, she now has a 25-inch waist and curvy 34D boobs, and you can't cheat the numbers. I'm still not sure I'd want to go out with her though. You see, it's not just about the looks. One thing that goes through a man's mind when he gets a new GF is the paranoid worry that he's not as good in bed as her previous lovers. And if she is to be believed that includes David Beckham. What chance to us normal men stand in comparison to someone who gets voted sexiest men in magazines! But on the other hand, a more recent lover of hers was that pig she flipped off live on TV. In comparison to that, I should do OK. And here's some more about the totty's background.

LinkXL

Yo, my blogging brethren. I think it's true to say that we all like the idea of getting a little cash in return for our hard work on the blogs. In some ways it's like we get paid to do out hobby, and that's no bad thing. Well, here's some more info from your helpful Steve. Have a look at the LinkXL site www.linkxl.com It has a plugin for wordpress bloggers which means you can monitize your work. It give you content links, plus you can sell natural links with an automated keyword search system.. It's one of those times when being a wordpress blogger works in your favour. With a blog on that system you can add the LinkXL in seconds, which frees up more time to get back to writing your blog, which is the whole reason you set on up in the first place. If you spot any good ways to monitze your blog let me know. I have my email address on the right-hand-side of the page. Cheers.

Anne Heche Goes Nude Dude

Anne Heche has said she is in negotiations to strip on screen. I can imagine the negotiations now. They're sat around a table and the film producers are saying, "OK, OK, Anne. We'll double the money. No? OK, we'll treble it. Just please, keep your clothes on." She said: "They asked me, 'Just how much will you do?' "They'll pay me a lot of money to do it - I told them they would have to... It goes by inches." Then Kelly Brook could make millions.

Travel

When I first started writing a blog it didn't really mean much to me, but since then I have grow fond of being able to say, "I'm a blogger". Earlier on today the blogger server wasn't letting people on my site (and the day I got the most hits ever - typical, just my luck) and for that short time not having a blog that people could go to was upsetting (not in a girly crying way, of course). So I'm going to big-up some of the other bloggers who are writing some good stuff you should read. Have a look at the cruise travel blog cruises101.blogspot.com Reading that blog's info on travel makes you want to plan your next trip, or plan a break to somewhere you've never seen but it's on the list of things to see before you die. Like, I'd love to see the world's tallest building before I die. Of course, the problem with that statement is that they keep building bigger ones, the tinkers. So it's more of an on-going project before I die.

Kutcher & Moore The Most Stylish

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have been named the most stylish Hollywood couple. Really? He often has facial hair that makes him look like a tramp and she's famous for getting naked while knocked-up. So, in a way they have both showed off their beards. That means they beat off (steady) competition from Will Smith and wife Jada Pinkett, who always look stunning. They were in second place. And in their was Victoria and David Beckham. They always wear stylish trousers and the latest smart skirts. Shame it's her in the trousers and him in the skirts, but still. Interesting that the second and third most stylish couples are actually married but the number one slot still haven't tied the knot. Seems a shame, but they already have something old and something new. Well, "her and him", basically.

Like A Man

There's little in life that will make you feel like a real man these days, well, and won't get you arrested. But DIY is one of them. We needed a new bookshelf and I, yes me, the man of the house put one together. I also once sorted out a washer on a tap and I have been known to change fuses back in the days when fuses were used. These days they just use magic and a small it of the brain from Commander Data, I think. If you want to get into home improvement have a look at www.luxuryhousingtrends.com There's information on bathroom remodeling, and if you did one of those, imagine how manly you'd feel then. Hear me roar!